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October 03, 2005

like john roberts only without all that distracting legal baggage

President Bush has chosen Harriet Miers for the seat of vacating Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. Having never before been a judge, her written record is made up almost entirely of Post-It notes.

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter promised a thorough examination of these writings. “We plan on going through them very carefully, and in fact have hired additional staff to make sure we don’t miss anything since, you know, they kind of stick together.”

“We’ve already found some things that trouble us,” noted Senator Charles Schumer, “including some disparaging remarks she made on one of those “while you were out” stickies about “The Three Amigos.” We thought this demonstrated a profound insensitivity towards the Hispanic community. Until we found out she was referring to a movie. But still, it showed, at a minimum, a profound insensitivity towards Martin Short.”

Ms. Miers’ qualifications for the court include extensive experience knowing George Bush when he was governor of Texas. This background served her well when she moved to Washington to pursue a career in knowing Bush in his capacity as President. There are indications that she has also spent time knowing the Vice President and some of his staff but that is considered resume padding at best.

The choice was not without some controversy even within the White House where several administration officials feared that her lack of experience with Arabian horses may prove to be a detriment during confirmation hearings. As one pointed out, “Once Schumer starts asking her about the pedigree of Ansata Majesta or her positions on the DeShazer line she’s got to have some good answers or she’ll be in trouble.”

Senate Judiciary committee members are gearing up for what promises to be a bruising confirmation battle. Orrin Hatch is consulting a thesaurus for new superlatives, Joe Biden is consulting his dentist for additional teeth whitening options, Mike DeWine is consulting his extensive pornography database to ensure that Ms. Miers never partook of anything so filthy, disgusting or degenerate, while Dianne Feinstein is consulting with her staff to make sure she keeps an open mind regarding which reason to oppose Miers.

J.

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October 3, 2005 at 11:35 AM in Current Affairs | Permalink

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Comments

And she thinks George Bush is the most brilliant man she's ever met. Doesn't get around much, does she?

Posted by: jillmalitz | Oct 3, 2005 1:17:28 PM

Excellent stuff as usual. The "knowing George Bush" bit had me rolling. :-)

Posted by: Mike | Oct 3, 2005 7:38:23 PM

She...she made disparaging comments about Martin Short? Okay, I'm one to support even some unpopular decisions by our government, but this is out of hand. What's next, Orrin Hatch calling Steve Martin "shallow" and "trite?"

Posted by: John | Oct 4, 2005 2:40:14 AM

You're right, John, this could be a slippery slope. It's a good thing no one would care if disparaging remarks were made about Chevy Chase...

Posted by: Mike | Oct 4, 2005 9:52:08 AM

Maybe Chevy for president. At least there will be some dignity in office. Maybe build a new White house with the hommage to National Lampoons. Wally world for everyone! Could you see Cheney's face. Maybe that would finally send him over the edge.

Posted by: jb | Oct 11, 2005 7:51:55 PM

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