August 06, 2006
yellow wasn’t a real good color for him anyway
After a second test conducted by French officials established that Tour de France winner Floyd Landis had elevated levels of testosterone in his body during the competition, and with his lawyer running out of possible explanations, we thought we’d pitch in and help Floyd out by offering alternative reasons for these seemingly incriminating results:
- Accidentally brushed up against Barry Bonds at fund raiser.
- Not fair to let the French determine the “base line” for what constitutes normal levels of testosterone.
- Late-night Google search for Lindsay Lohan pics “hotter than expected.”
- Presence of synthetic testosterone easily explainable: Synthetic testicles.
- So THAT’S what’s in a “Conseco Cocktail.”
- Elevated level of testosterone a natural outcome from outrage over Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s snubbing of musical pioneers, KISS.
- Everyone else must have artificially lowered their testosterone levels out of jealousy over rugged good looks.
- It’s the Jews' fault. The Jews started all the doping scandals in the world. You look like a Jew. Are you a Jew?
And if none of that works, just maintain your innocence no matter what evidence is brought against you.
And pledge to search for the real doper.
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Tracked on Aug 11, 2006 1:38:06 PM
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