talk about brand extensions

There’s good news and there’s bad news. The bad news is that many major stores are refusing to carry your product.

The good news is it is also widely hated.

The news is good because it is hated by the Mayor of New York, parents in Utah and community leaders in Los Angeles. What could cause such a stir?

Naming an energy drink “Cocaine.”

Why on earth would anyone name an energy drink after an illegal narcotic? They would to make sure that the mayor of New York, parents in Utah, and community leaders in Los Angeles would hate it.

Loudly.

This isn’t viral marketing. This is bio-weapon pandemic marketing.

The problem, says Joseph Califano Jr., president of the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, is that “Kids get hopped up on drinks called Cocaine and Xtazy and then what happens when someone offers them a line of real cocaine or an Ecstasy pill?”

Easy. They’ll be snorting meth off of Tickle-me Elmo’s thighs before recess.

Look at “Honey Smacks.” “Smack?” How obvious can you get? It stops being funny when a once-happy kid indulging in what at first appears to be a little sugar pick-me-up, ends up in a downward spiral from which he may never fully recover; mainlining H, sharing needles, and voting for Green Party candidates.

If the use of such an inflammatory name as “cocaine” proves successful in marketing a “high energy” drink, we can surely look forward to copycats in the future seeking the buzz that comes from an outrageous name:

Statutory Rape Wraps! A delicious combination of prime rib and bacon all wrapped in a delicious flour tortilla. Too tempting to resist, even though you know you should!

Jack Daniels Sippy Cup! Won’t spill no matter how much your toddler stumbles about, passes out on the floor or wets himself.

Islamist Jihad Bathroom Cleaner! Tough grime? Stubborn dirt? Let our suicide bubbles get rid of that infidel soap scum once and for all.

J.