my parents went to an anti-war rally and all i got was this stupid communist manifesto

I should probably say right up front, in the interest of full disclosure, that Planet Moron is, and always has been, resolutely opposed to going to war with Bolivia.

You probably didn’t know that this was an issue, or in particular need of clarification.

That is because you did not attend the “MarchOnPentagon” anti-war rally where one speaker spent his time on the podium exhorting the crowd to join him for a rally in New York to stop war against Bolivia, Cuba and Venezuela.

But of course, this rally was about more than just a potential conflict with Bolivia, Cuba and Venezuela, it was about stopping the war against, um, Haiti. And Iran.

Oh, and "Palestine."

But I’m not being fair. A.N.S.W.E.R. organizers did set aside some time for the real reason people came out for this protest:

To end capitalism.

Well, okay, A.N.S.W.E.R has always had a problem staying focused.

For instance, as I was approaching the stage for the second time, I heard a speaker shout out, “Down with war!” Okay, I thought to myself, now that’s on-message and really… 

“Down with capitalism!”

Ooh, so very, very close. 

Later, a speaker with the Socialist Worker's Party had a chant going: 

War (or poverty or discrimination, etc.) isn’t an accident!
It’s policy!
It’s capitalism!

And for those of you who were not particularly interested in ending capitalism or avoiding war with Bolivia but in fact had come out in the cold to protest the treatment of “undocumented workers” there was the speaker from the socialist “Mexico Solidarity Network” to speak to your cause as well.

There were even representatives from "Free the Cuban Five" which I'd considered talking to but realized that any outrage I may have expressed about communist suppression and the subjugation of free will would have been undercut by the Cohiba Siglo IV I was smoking at the time.

According to the Associated Press, protesters “marched by the thousands to the Pentagon” which is technically true since you only need two to earn that plural “s.” The Washington Post reported one estimate of between 10,000 and 20,000 which strongly suggests that the person making the estimate had gotten confused and counted the crowd at the nearby Pentagon City Mall instead. (“Wow, these protesters sure like to shop!”) 

Although the organizers had to have been disappointed with the surprisingly sparse attendance, there was an upside. 

No waiting! 

With anti-war fever rising, costs mounting, and the conflict dragging on into its fifth year, what would account for such a low turnout? The cold? St. Patrick’s Day?

Let’s just say that if you keep telling people that you’re throwing a party and every time they show up you hand them an issue of “The Watchtower” and try to talk to them about  God's Kingdom and the evils of blood transfusions, you’re going to have to start seriously considering cutting down on the number of Costco meat and cheese platters you order.

J.