August 24, 2008
and don’t get us started on jogging…
Large portions of a proposed bike path that would have originally paralleled a new 18-mile-long six-lane limited access highway cutting across Montgomery County, Maryland may need to be rerouted onto the sides of existing surface streets because:
a) It would otherwise be too costly.
b) It would be too dangerous.
c) Barack Obama might put on a bike helmet again.
d) It would be damaging to the Environment.
If you chose “d” you are a winner! (“c” would also have been acceptable.)
You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Hey, no one said anything about a pop quiz.” Also, “I don’t see what additional, measurable harm a narrow bike path could cause adjacent to a noisy six-lane superhighway built to accommodate tens of thousands of cars a day.”
That’s why no one asked you to write the Intercounty Connector Limited Functional Master Plan Amendment - Bikeways and Interchanges - Public Hearing Draft. (Not to mention that you probably fell asleep halfway through reading the title.)
While the report doesn’t offer what might be described as “specifics” it does point out that the bike path could cause various bad things to happen to “environmental resources.” And it doesn’t say this just once it says it several times. That’s how you know it’s true.
For the more skeptical among you, we here at Planet Moron have done some of our own research and have come up with additional grave environmental degradations that could result from the bike path:
- We’re not just talking about a simple old-fashioned bike trail as it must be built to accommodate increasing numbers of middle-aged mothers and their fertility drug induced triplets in massive three-across jogging strollers, packed with diaper bags, sippy cups and gray-market prescriptions for Vicodin.
- Wrecked bikes could end up littering the sides of the trail as Washingtonians accustomed to driving their cars attempt to send text messages, fix their hair, heat up a burrito, make obscene gestures to fellow riders, and peddle all at the same time.
- Two words: Powerbar Wrappers.
- You think hybrid drivers produce excessive levels of smug?
- No, seriously, have you seen Barack Obama in a bicycle helmet?
In fairness, county planners accept that there are ecological positives that result from greater use of bike paths, however, they point out that, “Bikeways, like any land development -- including ballfields and playgrounds -- cause environmental harm at some level."
You might be thinking to yourself, “hey, it almost sounds as if these environmentalists think there’s nothing a human does that doesn’t damage the environment in some way, ha ha.”
TrackBack URL for this entry:
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference and don’t get us started on jogging…:
From your link: "The odds may be against preserving life on Earth, but the decision to stop reproducing is still the morally correct one. Indeed, the likelihood of our failure to avoid the massive die off which humanity is engineering is a very good reason to not sentence another of us to life. The future isn't what it used to be."
I can only see these people not reproducing as a good thing.
Posted by: Michael | Aug 24, 2008 8:39:11 PM
Or, as we like to say around here, "You first."
Posted by: Planet Moron | Aug 24, 2008 10:44:36 PM
So was there ever a decision made on the bike path? Just wondering if it got cut out of the project or if they came up with a way to justify it...
Posted by: Bill @Toddler Bike Helmet | Feb 22, 2010 12:23:46 PM
Obama wearing a bike helmet is actually an indication that he's not an idiot.
Posted by: Mike | Dec 22, 2010 9:33:56 AM
The comments to this entry are closed.