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November 21, 2008

optimism is so ‘80s

With shares of American automakers depreciating faster than the vehicles they make and broad market averages hitting new lows, it is time for people to start readjusting their expectations.

And so to better help our readers deal with the new economic reality, we’ve developed this handy “In” and “Out” list:

Food:
Out: Eating out six times a week.
In: Eating six times a week.

Transportation:

Out:
Sweetheart discounted lease on a BMW 335i.
In: Sweetheart discounted bus pass for the crosstown metro.

Investments:
Out:
One hundred shares of IBM Stock that yield $50 in cash dividends.
In: One pallet of canned beans that yield 3840 servings of canned beans.

Education
Out:
Joining your Adult Education “Intro To Oil Painting” classmates on a trip abroad to Italy for a slice of culture.
In: Joining your Adult Education “Intro To Welding” classmates on a trip downtown to Little Italy for a slice of pizza.

Vacations:
Out:
Home equity loan so you can pay for that cruise through the Mediterranean you’ve been dreaming of.
In: HOPE for homeowners mortgage readjustment so you can pay for that cruise through the buffet line at the Golden Corral you’ve been dreaming of.

Environment:
Out: Paying a little bit more for green energy because, goshdarnit, that’s just how much you care about the environment.
In: Gathering old garden mulch, leftover paint thinner and the leaves that blew in from your neighbor’s yard and burning them in your fireplace because, goshdarnit, that’s just how much you care about not freezing to death.

Health Care:
Out:
Cosmetic surgery to make you feel better about yourself
In: Actual surgery to make you feel better.

Of course, with talk of a “New” New Deal there is hope.  After all, the original New Deal yielded eight years of ongoing depression, persistent unemployment, and high deficit spending that was ended only by the breakout of worldwide warfare that cost the lives of tens of millions.

Happy days are here again!
The skies above are clear again!
Let’s all sing a song of cheer again-
Happy days-are-here-a-gain!

J.

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November 21, 2008 at 12:48 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink

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Comments

Being a fan of William Powell in the "Thin Man" series, I recently watched the well-rated "My Man Godfrey" starring him and Carole Lombard.

Apparently in that movie they solved the Great Depression by building a nightclub at the city dump. So I think we should try that.

Posted by: Amarsir | Nov 21, 2008 1:33:22 PM

I give you, the Obama Presidency theme song. It’s based on a New Deal standard that is still a major theme song of the Democratic Party.

Apologies to Milton Ager and Jack Yellen, or maybe they owe us an apology for their propagandist song:

Obama Days Are Here Again!
The seas are level-ling again.
And the climate is coo-ling again,
Obama Days Are Here Again!

All together, "Yes We Can?"
It’s “change” no one can be-lieve in,
So admit the pooch is screwed again,
FDR Is Here Again!

Your cares and tro-u-bles are gone;
There will be more bail-outs from now on.
Obama Days Are Here Again!

The skies above are clear again,
From the demise of cap-i-tal-ism.
Let us sing our song of com-mun-ism,
And accept our cur-rent De-pres-sion!
'cause, FDR Is Here Again!

© 2008 Peter W. Sterne, Sr.

I grant you permission to publish this on Planet Moron, royalty free, with attribution.

Faithful Planet Moron reader,
Peter W. Sterne, Sr.

Posted by: AnAverageAmerican | Nov 21, 2008 7:29:40 PM

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