January 30, 2009
Stimulus Bill – Page 1
As the United States Senate prepares to take up President Obama’s proposed eight-hundred-billion-dollar-plus economic stimulus bill, there is growing opposition claiming that it will not, in fact, stimulate the economy.
This is, of course, preposterous. The bill has been carefully prepared by professional politicians aided by their congressional staff members each of whom has years of experience working on a congressional staff.
Using the staff summary of the Senate Tax Provisions, just take a look at some of the provisions on the very first page:
“Making Work Pay… Up To a Point.”
This program will provide up to $500 to everyone who makes less than $75,000 a year, to be paid for by everyone who makes more. Or by the Chinese. Whoever happens to have the money at the time.These people are expected to then go to Wal-Mart, thereby stimulating the Chinese economy.
“Making Not Working Pay.”
Provide $300 to retirees, the disabled, and anyone else already receiving benefits from the Social Security Administration or the Railroad Retirement fund. By targeting those individuals already receiving government benefits, and, for no particular reason, providing them with even more government benefits, you are making sure that Americans will persevere, and remain a people with the spirit and motivation to continue receiving government benefits.
“Making Being Married Pay”
Joint filers making less than $150,000 a year will receive tax relief of up to $1000. This will help stimulate the marriage counseling industry as couples struggle to find a compromise between paying down credit card bills or "buying beer and stuff."
“Making Getting Fired Pay”
The unemployed will receive, in addition to ongoing unemployment benefits, an exemption from paying taxes on those benefits, plus government-funded health care benefits. By providing income to the unemployed, providing them with health insurance, and not making them pay taxes, this act will make being unemployed less like the needlessly difficult, stressful burden it currently is, and make it more like being Timothy Geithner, only you don’t have to go to the office. This is expected to stimulate premium cable TV subscriptions.
“Making Getting Paid Pay”
Since about one-third of income tax filers don’t actually pay any income tax, they will be receiving tax refunds for taxes they never paid. This is expected to stimulate the economy as companies need to hire additional staff to deal with millions of these confused individuals as they attempt to return clothing they never bought, get cash discounts on electronics they aren't going to buy, and ask for refunds on canceled magazine subscriptions they never had.
Bet you can’t wait to see what we find on page 2...
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