No Wonder The Unemployment Rate is so High

One of the problems Secretary Timothy Geithner is having getting his bank rescue plan completed is that the White House has been a little slow filling the senior positions below Geithner, such as, (and we’re only using this as an example):

All of them.

Look, some things are going to slip through the cracks when you’re putting together a new staff, such as putting together a new staff. 

It’s easy to see how this could have happened:

Geithner: Mr. President, have you gotten around to nominating people for the 17 vacant positions below me?
Obama: What?  Oh, yeah, that.  Sorry, let me take a look at…
David Axelrod: Mr. President?  Excuse me, but we need you right away.  It appears the nation’s healthcare system still hasn’t been completely overhauled, our ten-year budget projections need to be addressed before the end of the day and your 40-year plan to reduce carbon emissions is in dire need of immediate attention.
Obama: Sorry Timothy, another fire I have to put out.  It's a wonder I can get anything done at all!
Geithner: Um, sir, could I get a janitor to come around just to… sir?...

While these vacancies might be disturbing, rest assured, most of the positions below these are also still vacant.

The upside?  The Treasury Department is saving a FORTUNE on new business cards.

This just in: Congress has taken the money saved on business cards, quadrupled it, and is using it to fund a Miter Saw Research institute in Representative Jack Murtha’s district. President Obama has agreed to sign off on the measure but promised strict reforms regarding the funding of miter saw research institutes in the future declaring an "end to the old way of doing business" at some later time. Soon.

In the meantime, Timothy Geithner sits around alone all night and day, kind of winging it as he goes along, letting the machine pick up the phone…

Wait a second. Timothy Geithner could be us!

Anyway, this is where you come in.  President Obama wants Americans to step up and pitch in.  Well, this is your chance.

Apply for a job at the United States Department of the Treasury.

There are, however, five criteria you must meet:

1. Have no personal tax problems.
2. Actually want the job.
3. Have no personal tax problems.
4. Be able to lay out in no uncertain terms your unwavering commitment to capitalism and free market enterprise in a plausibly convincing manner moments before eviscerating it.
5. Have no personal tax problems.

To help you along, here is some sample testimony you could use for your confirmation hearing:

Mr. Chairman, members of the committee, I come here today to assure you that I have no personal income tax problems.  Further, I very much want this job.  I currently work at the PetSmart on Wisconsin Avenue, where I am in charge of clipping nails, general grooming, and aspirating clogged anal glands so you know I won’t be pulling my name out of consideration at the last minute.  For anything. I should also point out that I’ve filed all my taxes accurately, and on a timely basis.  Finally, I want to make it clear my commitment to the free exchange of goods and services among willing parties without the coercive interference of the state, with the obvious understanding that we can no longer allow that to go on.

Oh, I have my returns right here, would you like to review them?

How hard can working at Treasury be?  You spout some gibberish, and then hand over big bags of cash to the banks.

Oh, and you might want to hurry. It would be really embarrassing if the only guy with a key to the place were to suddenly leave…

J.

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