Bills For Blunders Part II

The House today moved quickly to add $2 billion we don’t have to “Cash for Clunkers,” a program in which the government gives people free money to buy cars.

Slated to run though the end of September, the original $1 billion we don’t have that had been allocated to the program was all but gone by yesterday, surprising those who supported the program.

As Senator Debbie Stabenow noted, “It is amazing that 'Cash for Clunkers’ would be this successful this quickly.”

Truly, the popularity of free money took many by surprise including us.  Back in March, when we first addressed the issue we suggested a number of similar programs however now that we understand what is truly inviting about the program we figure we can just cut to the chase, eliminate the middleman, and propose the government adopt the Planet Moron:

“Throw Money Out The Back Of A Van Program”

Our program would consist of two interrelated elements:

1. Drive vans around.
2. Throw money out the back of them.

While seemingly simple in concept, the program is in fact quite sophisticated incorporating not only a Keynesian fiscal stimulative effect but, depending on Federal Reserve involvement,  a potentially monetary liquidity event as well.

But mostly, it’s just throwing money out the back of a van.

Our program has a number of advantages:

1) Eliminates the paperwork involved in “Cash for Clunkers.”

2) Like Cash for Clunkers, would increase auto company sales as the government purchases a fleet of vans.

3) Creates jobs for van drivers.

4) Creates jobs for money throwers (we’re thinking laid-off Wall Street workers).  Sure, these jobs are all short term, but we’d still get to count them!

5) Gets money into economy quickly, depending on how fast it can be thrown out the back of a van.

6) Does not involve all the messy, boring, economic gobbledygook of “unintended consequences,” “Bastiat’s broken window fallacy,”  “market distortions,” and so on.  Hey, it’s just throwing money out the back of a van!

There is one disadvantage.  By throwing money out the back of a van, the government loses control over what people will do with it.  Why, instead of purchasing an economical hybrid they might buy a Dodge Ram! Or NASCAR tickets or give money to their church!

Yuck!

Still, it is fully in the spirit of the already successful Cash for Clunkers program and will allow Congress to yet again take credit for promising people free stuff, which probably won’t hurt their re-election prospects.

“When I suggested we throw money out the back of a van my opponent said no!  He is part of the party of no!   No to free health care!  No to free cars!  No to free money!”

We look forward to our elective representatives looking into our plan to throw money out the back of vans.

And if that doesn’t work?

We go have another talk with Helicopter Ben.

J.