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February 08, 2010

CONSENSUS WATCH – 2/8/2010

An ongoing series dedicated to vigorously monitoring emerging threats to The Consensus that global warming is real, caused by humans, and must be addressed at all costs.

Because without Consensus, scientific conclusions could be challenged by people demanding hard data.

Wet Heavy Global Warming

While we continue to dig ourselves out from under two feet of wet, heavy, anthropogenic global warming here at Planet Moron headquarters, we take comfort in knowing that frequent record-breaking snowfalls do not in any way suggest that global warming is anything but real.

Which is not to say that mild winters don't prove it is real, of course.

This is important to remember, as it has been revealed lately that much of the science underpinning The Consensus didn’t come from “research” in the traditional sense of the word, but rather from more unorthodox sources, such as magazine articles, college student homework assignments, press releases, and idle conjecture.

Sure, that might sound bad taken out of context, but what skeptics fail to appreciate is that the whole purpose of establishing consensus in the first place is to take the science part out of the equation. That way we can move forward with what’s really important: Maintaining levels of hysteria necessary to spur legislative action.

Besides, according to Jean-Pascal van Ypersele, vice chairman of the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), the errors and fabrications are actually positive developments noting that such mistakes :

"…Could increase the credibility of the IPCC, not decrease it. Aren't mistakes human? Even the IPCC is a human institution."

(We don’t suggest you try that at work unless there is already a consensus with your bosses that you’re doing a good job.  Kind of like with Tim Geithner.)

Given the unconventional nature of global warming science, it is important that Consensus supporters be prepared for additional revelations including some of the following:

Claim: Sea levels will rise in the coming decades, swamping coastal cities.
Source:
Something James Hansen thought he saw while watching “The Day After Tomorrow” on his new Blu-ray player.

Claim: Polar Bears are resorting to cannibalism.
Source: Nostradamus.

Claim: Global warming could cause malaria as far north as Germany.
Source: A flyer Michael Mann saw in Berlin for the post-punk German band, “Malaria.”

Claim: We must reduce carbon emissions or we are all doomed.
Source: The image of Al Gore miraculously appearing one morning in a bowl of Rajendra Pachauri’s Wheatena.

Al Gore in Bowl of Wheatena

Claim: Tree ring data proves CO2 causes global warming.
Source: Hidden message found when you play the Beatles “Revolution 9” backwards.

Also, Paul is dead.

Claim: Hurricanes will increase in frequency and intensity unless we transition our power generation away from carbon sources and toward wind turbines.
Source: An advertisement from wind turbine manufacturer, Southwest Windpower.

Naturally, skeptics will continue to blow these discoveries all out of proportion claiming that they are some kind of indictment on The Consensus.  Unfortunately, these appeals to reason and common sense do occasionally gain traction with the lay public, unfamiliar as they are with the scientific process, so just in case, supporters of climate change legislation have a back up plan:

Make believe it’s a jobs bill.

Remember, Consensus means never having to say you’re sorry. Or wrong.

J.

CW Sweatshirt Global Are you digging yourself out of several feet of global warming too?  Don’t forget our “My parents fought Global Warming and all I got was this lousy sweatshirt!” along with all our Consensus Watch merchandise.  Remember, the earth is getting hotter, so be sure to bundle up!

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February 8, 2010 at 11:50 AM in Current Affairs, Global Warming with CONSENSUS WATCH | Permalink

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