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April 29, 2011

They’re Crazy, Alright, Crazy Like a Fox... Wait, Damn!

Professor Andrew Linzey together with professor Priscilla Cohn this week called for the end of the use of such terms as “pets” and “owners,” as labels like those are insulting to animals.

We should probably point out that professor Linzey and professor Cohn are identified as “leading academics,” which is important to make clear since otherwise they might come across as a crackpot theologian and a backwater academic.

In that same vein, we would prefer it if in the future you were to refer to Planet Moron as “a leading source of political and social analysis.”

Also, “sexy.”

The professors go on to argue that terms including “free-roaming” and “free-living” should be substituted for “wild animal” in that “wildness:”

“…is synonymous with uncivilised, unrestrained, barbarous existence.”

In other words, pretty much the life led by animals in the wild.  However we are cautioned that:

“There is an obvious prejudgment here that should be avoided.”

You know what else should be avoided?  Free-roaming animals. 

Free-Roaming Bear

To be fair, we never really noticed that our own moron dogs were offended by our careless use of language, but now that we have started to pay attention, we do notice some subtle differences in facial expressions.

For example, this is dog #1.

Dog Expressions

Here he is after we called him our “pet.”

Dog Expressions

And here he is after we called him a worthless flea-bag.

Dog Expressions

It’s just heart-breaking to see the hurt in his eyes. 

Or he could just want a biscuit.

Similarly, this is dog #2.

Crazy Dog

We don’t talk to dog #2 because we’re pretty sure she’s going to kill us in our sleep one day, and Mrs. Moron and I are mostly just jockeying for who will appear to be the weaker and slower between us.

Still, this has been a real eye-opener for us and from now on we’re going to take care what we say to our companion animals, take seriously our responsibilities as human carers, and strive to avoid using terms like "sly as a fox, “eat like a pig” or “drunk as a skunk.”

But we’re still locking that brown dog up at night.

J.

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April 29, 2011 at 05:12 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink

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Comments

Just wait until the "academics" find out these free-living animals haven't enacted universal healthcare. "Wild" will be the nicest thing they're called.

Posted by: Amarsir | Apr 29, 2011 6:16:42 PM

They do have "end of life care" of a sort. You get sick, they take care to ensure your life ends.

Posted by: Planet Moron | May 1, 2011 5:14:21 PM

I'm pretty sure refering to them as "he" or "she" is also demeaning in some leftist, crackpot manner. Firthermore, I have no doubt that house-training and using a leash are huge violations of their civil rights and you will be brought to trial for crimes against non-human entities and promptly packed off to a reeducation center.

You beast.

Posted by: John | May 1, 2011 7:05:55 PM

And so just where are these "leading academics" leading us??? Leading in what field of academics?
And I don't think they are in a "field". That would be outside where reality is.

Posted by: barryjo | May 2, 2011 7:40:06 PM

Hi!

I´m Susan, from Spain, and yesterday I was looking for kid's material and I saw the picture of your dog. It's look like my dog!!It's a double.It's amazing! ;-)

Posted by: Susan | Feb 25, 2012 1:49:33 PM

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