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June 10, 2011

Also, You’re “Probably” Going to Die

The World Health Organization (WHO) caused quite a stir this week when it announced that using a cell phone causes brain cancer.

Well, not causes brain cancer, but probably causes brain cancer.

Okay, not probably, “possibly” causes brain cancer, which is about half way through the WHO’s list of classifications of potentially cancer-causing agents.

Cell phones now join such hazards as coffee, gasoline, being a firefighter, and eating Asian pickled vegetables, among the WHO’s “possible” cancer-causing agents.

We don’t mean to be alarmist, but if you had a cup of coffee this morning and got a call on your cell phone while you were filling your car that you needed to fill in for someone at your firefighting job in Korea, you might want to have a talk with your Met Life agent.


However, you can take at least some comfort in the fact that the actual study suggested that while cell phones might increase the incidence of one kind of brain cancer, they might actually reduce the incidences of two other kinds and that brain cancer in general has been on the decline while cell phone usage has skyrocketed.

But you know what, it’s better to be safe than sorry and by "safe," we mean needlessly scare the hell out of billions of people.

This super-cautious approach should not come as a surprise as the last of the WHO classifications, the one considered the most safe, is called, “Probably not carcinogenic to humans."

Cancer Causing

And note that it has only one entry.



We have no idea what caprolactum is either, but it very well may be the only thing on the face of the earth that the WHO thinks doesn't cause cancer.

Well, probably.


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June 10, 2011 at 03:19 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink


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I demand to know what the WHO is doing about the 100% mortality rate caused by converting a mixture of oxygen and nitrogen into carbon dioxide. Also I understand that the transportation of oxygen via hemoglobin also leads to a 100% mortality rate. Something must be done, think of the children!

Posted by: TheOldMan | Jun 13, 2011 12:53:39 PM

Can somebody please explain what a '60's rock band has to do with this?

Posted by: barryjo | Jun 14, 2011 8:36:13 AM

OOPS! Just reread the article. Beginning with the first sentence. Makes more sense. I thimk.

Posted by: barryjo | Jun 14, 2011 3:48:59 PM

Just keep in mind WHO is on first, WHAT is on second, I DONT KNOW is on third, and TOMORROW is pitching. Then it is all clear.

Posted by: TheOldMan | Jun 15, 2011 12:02:29 PM

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