September 19, 2011
In case you were wondering why it was more difficult than usual to find a parking space last Friday, it might have been because of “PARK(ing) Day.”
If you are like most Planet Moron readers, your car is currently being held as evidence by the authorities, and so you might not have noticed, however PARK(ing) day is universally known as having possibly the most awkward name of any event in the history of humankind with the possible exception of “24 Hours of Reality.”
“An annual, worldwide event that invites citizens everywhere to transform metered parking spots into temporary parks for the public good.”
Finding a place to park is not in the public good, of course. As an article in Smithsonian Magazine recently explained:
“If aliens were watching the Earth from space, they might well assume that cars are the planet’s dominant species. Humans, they’d quickly observe, seem to exist in order to feed and groom their well-armored masters, and propel them from place to place.”
Keep in mind we are speaking here of profoundly stupid aliens, who despite having mastered technologies beyond our comprehension, still retain the cognitive abilities of a three-year-old.
“The image long peeved Matthew Passmore.”
Imagine how frustrating it must have been for Mr. Passmore to have to observe his fellow citizens going about their daily lives rather than spending their time in more productive pursuits such as “exploring the full dimensions of urban social ecology.”
And so in 2005, Mr. Passmore began the very first PARK(ing) Day. According to organizers, the event is necessary to:
“Challenge existing notions of public urban space and empower people to help redefine space to suit specific community needs.”
There is a possibility that these people have never heard of zoning commissions. But then, we have to remember:
“Cities are built for people, although in past decades large swaths of urban space have been dedicated almost to the storage and movement of private vehicles… that serve a relatively narrow bandwidth of the “public.”
And by “a relatively narrow bandwidth of the ‘public,’” they mean “the majority of the public” in every single major American urban area except New York.
Here at Planet Moron headquarters in Arlington County, Virginia, the local boondoggle known as “Artisphere,” (a name that doesn’t so much roll off the tongue as mugs it) enthusiastically sanctioned the event and even offered to participate:
“Dance Exchange will perform “Rest Easy,” a site-specific installation element of ‘Hammock’ in which Dance Exchange artist Sarah Levitt will seek rest in repetition from 5pm-6:30pm on September 16.”
Alternate title: “Public Employee Union.”
“The stage version of Hammock strips away the high-tech production elements of modern performance, instead focusing on the human body and the stage space they inhabit. Choreographed by Dance Exchange artists Sarah Levitt and Benjamin Wegman, Hammock explores rest as a defiant and aggressive act. The artists describe their process as one that “shifts between rest and productivity, talking and silence, being seen and disappearing, virtuosity and ‘that doesn’t look like a dance,’ changing the world and giving up for good.”
One of the things PARK(ing) Day hopes to promote is “unscripted social interactions.”
It would be interesting to hear the unscripted social interactions of taxpayers once they discover they’re paying for someone to get in and out of a hammock.
But we must remember:
“The vast majority of outdoor urban space is dedicated to the private vehicle, while only a fraction of that land is allocated to open space for people.”
We don’t mean to sound alarmist, but we think the organizers of PARK(ing) Day have been taken over by aliens.
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And exactly how do these wing-dings plan to carry all of their park equipment around?
Posted by: TheOldMan | Sep 19, 2011 5:42:42 PM
Bicycles, bicycle-trailers, and walking! and if you have a handicap, well, too bad because you're in a 'very narrow bandwidth' of the population.
Posted by: Marty | Sep 19, 2011 7:32:19 PM
Has anyone checked the local municipal water supply lately???
It appears something is interacting with their medications.
Posted by: barryjo | Sep 20, 2011 8:55:08 AM
I'll only note that we have an under sink filter.
Posted by: Planet Moron | Sep 20, 2011 8:32:14 PM