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November 04, 2011

Ford: Drive One. But Not Too Far.

Driven by various Obama Administration-inspired government mandates and incentives intended to create new and exciting innovations in personal transportation, Ford Motor Company has introduced what might be its most technologically advanced automobile ever:

The $40,000 Ford Focus Electric.

You read that right. For the price of two compact cars, you can get one compact car.

Think of it as a “Buy 2 Get 1” deal.

To be fair, the imaginatively named Focus Electric offers many advanced features not found on a regular Ford Focus, such as a range between “fill-ups” that is easily half that of a 1908 Ford Model T.

Seriously, progress just moves too fast for us these days.

While it’s true that you will have to stop to fuel up far more frequently than with a gasoline-powered car, at least filling it up will take a lot longer. 

That’s right, you can finally kiss those quick, frantic stops at the gas station goodbye for good. Instead, you will find yourself engaging in far more leisurely stops, almost like a visit to a spa, since fully charging a Focus Electric with a 240-volt charging station takes about as long as replacing a transmission. Of course, you don’t have a 240-volt charging station. Almost no one does. But think of the jobs that will be created in the hospitality industry as you scramble to find a room while your Focus Electric charges up overnight on regular household current!

But, faced with rising gasoline prices, the Obama Administration felt it needed to do something.

Such as seeing to it that electricity prices also rise.

You can’t say these guys aren’t thorough.

We should also point out that with a top speed of 84 miles per hour, your $40,000 Focus Electric will easily be able to keep pace with most Vespa Scooters.

Given that electric cars appeal only to those consumers who prefer that products be more expensive yet less convenient (which we believe is Best Buy’s target market), there has to be another reason the Obama Administration is so fond of them. At first we thought it was an attempt to reduce income inequality by giving rich people something else to waste money on, such as the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac executives earning millions of dollars of taxpayer-provided bailout bonus money.

Then we figured it out:

It’s to make high-speed rail look good.

J.

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November 4, 2011 at 02:32 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink

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Comments

"Such as seeing to it that electricity prices also rise." Well that would be because over 50% of our electricity comes from - wait for it - coal. yes, that clean energy comes from dirty dirty bird coal. which candidate Obama has promised to bankrupt and one of the only campaign promises president Obama is making good on.

Posted by: Political Atheist | Nov 4, 2011 4:29:35 PM

I love this. Ford, who did not take the bailout, has figured out how to fleece the chumps who want another bailout. It is morally wrong to allow a fool to keep his money, and Ford is here to help.

Posted by: John | Nov 4, 2011 7:47:13 PM

The "Ford Focus Anthracite." Now THAT I would consider buying.

Posted by: Planet Moron | Nov 4, 2011 11:04:02 PM

I myself want the full-sized Ford Fission, with the extra-powerful 20Kw presuurized water reactor. 1 million miles to the gram. How is that for a low carbon footprint?

Posted by: John | Nov 5, 2011 10:45:10 PM

May I reprint?

Posted by: Bob | Nov 10, 2011 11:30:49 AM

Absolutely.

Posted by: Planet Moron | Nov 10, 2011 2:04:26 PM

there has to be another reason the Obama Administration is so fond of them.

Of course there is but it's not that obvious. It's an attempt to corner the Lead (Pb) market for those batteries so that it becomes prohibitively expensive to make ammunition, both at the commercial level and for the casual home reloader. In just a couple years I have seen a 25 pound bag of lead shot rise from $17.50 to over $45.00. Currently seems to have settled down to around $36.00.

I may only be half kidding about the motive but the price rise does seem a tad more than coincidental...

Posted by: UncleScreech | Nov 10, 2011 3:32:47 PM

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