March 13, 2012
Sandra Fluke Translator
As anyone who has ever studied a foreign language can tell you, even if you have a full grasp of the vocabulary, it can still be difficult to understand what someone is trying to tell you if you don’t fully understand the cultural or social context of their statements.
Such is the problem some people have with understanding Sandra Fluke, an innocent doe-eyed youngster barely 30 years out of diapers who came to fame when testifying at a make-believe congressional hearing (it’s fun to play pretend!) at which she pointed out her friends at Georgetown Law were going broke having sex.
And people say Congress doesn’t have the courage to take on tough issues like deficit spending, entitlement reform, and promiscuous co-eds.
It might have remained a purely personal matter involving only private citizen Fluke, powerful Democratic members of Congress, and the invited national media, had a certain conservative talk show host not gotten involved.
Shortly after her imaginary congressional hearing, Rush Limbaugh (who’s job it is to say outlandish things) said some outlandish things in the course of pointing out that Georgetown Law students, perhaps one of the more privileged of any subgroups in American society, could maybe pay for their own contraception.
Sandra Fluke, was so hurt and shocked from all the unwanted attention that she did what any purely private citizen would do involuntarily thrust into the limelight:
Hire a publicist with close connections to the White House and appear on eight national news programs.
It’s all part of the healing process.
Sandra Fluke Translator
Fluke: “Access to contraception.”
Translation: When someone else pays for your contraception.
Fluke: “Guaranteeing women access to contraception.”
Translation: Guaranteeing that someone else will pay for women’s contraception.
Fluke: “Restricting access.”
Translation: Having to pay for contraception yourself.
Fluke: “Silencing women's voices.”
Translation: Criticizing Sandra Fluke.
Fluke: “Raising this issue in our public consciousness.”
Translation: Agreeing with Sandra Fluke.
Fluke: “Unfair obstacles to participating in public life.”
Translation: Having children.
Fluke: “Attacking women who use contraception by calling them prostitutes.”
Translation: Attacking women who want someone else to pay for their contraception so they can have sex by calling them prostitutes.
Fluke: “The regulation under discussion has absolutely nothing to do with government funding: It is all about the insurance policies provided by private employers and universities that are financed by individual workers, students and their families -- not taxpayers.”
Translation: Taxpayers will not pay for Ms. Fluke’s free contraception unless they happen to be workers, students or their families.
Fluke: "99% of sexually experienced American women have used [contraception].
Translation: We'll never get that number higher if we don't start making it free.
We hope that clears up a few things for you.
And just remember, as Ms. Fluke painstakingly argues, free contraception is a right and absolutely essential to the health of an individual and remains broadly popular and supported.
Just like sex change operations.
Note: Random blogging of broadly inferior quality continues as day-job demands continue unabated.
TrackBack URL for this entry:
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Sandra Fluke Translator:
I've seen her photo and the only way she's spending $1000/yr for contraceptives is if she's paying to get action.
Posted by: TheOldMan | Mar 14, 2012 1:34:23 PM
"99% of sexually experienced American women have used contraception."
If we could make that retroactive to her parents about three decades ago I would foot the bill.
Posted by: John | Mar 16, 2012 11:44:28 AM
Just another victim of the 1%.
So just what is the term used for someone who wants the taxpayer to spend $3000 in 3 years so she can have sex???
Oh. Never mind. I think I answered my own question.
Posted by: barryjo | Mar 16, 2012 6:46:26 PM
I sure wish I had read this piece before I responded to a letter in my local paper asking why the GOP was having a hard time backing away from Rush's comment. I'd have stolen a few of the lines, instead of simply pointing out facts, and mentioning that I must have been on vacation when the letters of outrage about Bill Maher, Dave Letterman, Anderson Cooper, Al Sharpton, Keith Olberman, and Ed Schultz were printed.
Posted by: John Illinois | Mar 16, 2012 7:40:09 PM
Permission requested to reprint.
Posted by: Bob | Mar 19, 2012 1:25:45 AM
Permission gladly granted, Bob. And John Illinois, not to worry, I have the feeling your paper will give you another opportunity. They do so like this topic.
Posted by: Planet Moron | Mar 19, 2012 6:57:28 AM
I read an article in which someone did the math using the $3,000 Sandra mentions. If she uses BOTH birth control pills AND condoms, she'd have to have sex 7 times per day, 10 times on Sundays, to hit that amount. Perhaps Rush is right: she is a slut. I wonder how she finds time for class.
Posted by: MPH | Apr 5, 2012 5:50:16 PM
Posted by: F. GATELL | May 7, 2012 1:18:02 PM
Hello? Is this mic on? Any Morons around?
Posted by: TheOldMan | May 8, 2012 1:46:54 PM
Yes, a few still around. Any posts coming along? Before Congress passes a budget already!
Posted by: Marty | May 9, 2012 11:23:33 PM
So, what you're saying is that I still have at least a year!
This moron at least is still here, just attending to the day job. I have a couple of things in the works, I'm just having trouble devoting the time necessary to produce the quality humor product you have all come to expect.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Posted by: Planet Moron | May 10, 2012 3:28:17 PM
Translation: Baby Moron blew out his diaper on the keyboard...
Posted by: TheOldMan | May 18, 2012 12:41:13 PM
It sure is quiet in here.
Posted by: John | May 30, 2012 2:24:23 PM
Tap tap tap. Is this thing on?
Posted by: Michael | Jun 6, 2012 12:01:28 PM
You had best wake up. Or you will be missing the opportunity of a life-time.
Posted by: barryjo | Jul 14, 2012 9:13:54 PM
Are you suggesting that anybody blogging more than ten times a year can't have a real job?
Damn it, I did suspect that something was wrong with BLS unemployment rates.....
Posted by: Maedhros | Jul 20, 2012 8:45:59 AM
Real life is more important than blog life, of course, but just want to let you know we miss ya!
Posted by: Linda | Aug 9, 2012 9:28:21 AM
Thanks all, for still stopping by from time to time. I am plotting my return. Not because I have any more free time than before, but because I think I'm going to go insane if I don't.
Did you know there's a presidential election just around the corner?!
Posted by: Planet Moron | Aug 23, 2012 4:52:23 PM
I really do feel that Rush Limbaugh was way out of line calling Sandra Fluke a slut. I also believe that his apology was not appropriate and another, more carefully thought out apology is still in order, He really missed the essence of what the new darling of the left truly is. Simply calling the woman a slut does a disservice to the thousands of financially responsible sluts who have no objection to springing for their own contraception. Such a comparison demeans all responsible sluts and has no place in a civilized society. If we want our opinions to be respected we must strive to make them easily understood and all encompassing. Sandra Fluke is no common slut. She's an irresponsible, parasitic slut. With apologies to the parasites out there who might be reading this.
Posted by: Salvatorre Minella | Mar 12, 2013 3:30:14 AM