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September 05, 2012

Night 1 of The Democratic Convention: Why is Everyone Yelling at Me?

We attempted to watch last night’s convention in the early evening, but every time we turned it on, angry women were yelling at us, and frankly, we get enough of that at home.

After the angry women left, presumably because someone finally agreed to take out the garbage and maybe help a little more around bath time, it was time for a change.

So the angry men came out and yelled at us, too.

This included Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel who came on the stage to point out how very awful things were when President Obama first took office and how somewhat less awful they are now, kind of like the guy who comes to fix your garage door and only manages to get the cable untangled and then asks for four more weeks to finish the job.

Oh, and it’s going to cost you more than he originally estimated.

As it turns out, the notion that things are awful, and the best guy to make them better is the guy who has been president while things have been awful, was the evening's main theme. As Michelle Obama recounted her husband saying as he was going over letters one recent night:

"You won't believe what these folks are going through, Michelle...it's not right.”

Yeah, someone ought to do something about that!

Oh, right.

But then, as Ms. Obama put it:

“…for Barack, success isn't about how much money you make, it's about the difference you make in people's lives.”

Perhaps the President should propose that we pay for his expansive new government programs by taxing people who make a lot of difference in people’s lives.

Incidentally, if you thought the First Lady’s speech was a self-absorbed, treacly mess that might have made sense had her husband not been president the last four years, you’d be mistaken. According to 100% non-partisan journalist experts all of whom went to better schools than you:

"Michelle Obama owned this convention in a way that no speaker owned the convention in Tampa."

"If they have two more nights like this, they can probably break this race open."

"Extremely impressive woman."

"Oh my god."

"Tonight we were reintroduced to a star."

And here we thought she was just another privileged Ivy League grad whining about having to pay for her own college degree:

“And believe it or not, when we were first married, our combined monthly student loan bills were actually higher than our mortgage.”

Can you believe that having among them, two degrees from Harvard, one from Columbia and one from Princeton might cost a lot?

Why should people who have highly marketable skills from prestigious universities have to pay for their own education? For that matter why should college students have to pay for their own contraception?  Or their own abortions if the free contraception doesn’t work out?

In totally unrelated news, the national debt hit $16 trillion yesterday.

We’re not sure what to expect tonight, we’re just hoping we don’t get yelled at.


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September 5, 2012 at 02:14 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink


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Why should one be yelled at while watching the first game of the 2012 NFL season???
OK, so the beer ran out. Big deal.

Posted by: barryjo | Sep 5, 2012 6:52:38 PM

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