September 20, 2012
Thanks to The Leadership of Comrade Obama, How Excellent This Water Tastes!If you are like most Americans, you probably worry that you are insufficiently reverent of our Dear Leader, Barack Obama. No doubt, you rise each day thinking, “I’ve got the yard sign, I’ve got the bumper sticker, I’ve fasted, given away my wedding gifts and am selling my belongings to support His campaign, and yet it all seems so inadequate.”
Fortunately, the Obama presidential campaign has a number of items that will help you to at least begin to demonstrate, as best as can be achieved in this earthly realm, your fidelity to Him.
Take, for example, this poster, suitable for either simple framing or to serve as the focal point of your home’s Obama shrine:
You know, that look on his face. It seems familiar somehow.
Oh, yeah, that’s where we’ve seen it before.
You may also want to consider this modern update on an old and outdated classic:
It's enough to make us want to break out in verse:
I pledge allegiance,
And the People’s Republic of America,
And to the Collective,
For which He stands,
With birth control,
Along those same lines, is this piece which we like to call, “The United States of Obama.”
We’re not campaign experts here, but we probably would not have chosen a motif that suggests that the country is awash in ever-higher levels of red ink.
And then there’s this.
Clearly, nothing says “I support Barack Obama” better than… whatever it is this is supposed to be. (NOTE: Planet Moron commenter "Michael" might have figured it out: "If you pronounce it out loud it does proclaim 'we owe!', so at least they have candor going for them.")
And finally, the Obama campaign has a special section for all your most popular ethnicities to pay their proper respects, including African Americans, Jewish Americans, Latino/Hispanic Americans, and:
Which, we’ll be honest, kind of sounds like “Etc., for Obama.”
But if you really want to go that extra devotional step, The Obama campaign hopes you will consider something a little more personal. Like defiling your body:
“There’s a new way to show that you’re voting for someone who represents us all. Choose one of your reasons for voting and write it on your hand, then pledge to vote. You can share a photo on Twitter and Instagram with #ForAll. Check out some of the photos—you might even recognize a few of the faces.”
Because when we think of a democratic process in which sovereign citizens gather to choose civil servants who will carry out the administrative functions of government, we think, “Hey, as a demonstration of our allegiance, let’s desecrate our flesh and then post the results on the Internet.”
Like this guy.
And these two.
Okay, we'll stop now.
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Suddenly I feel ill. But I just feel that way. The dolts pictured here ARE that way.
Posted by: John | Sep 21, 2012 12:20:50 AM
If you pronounce the middle poster out loud it does proclaim "we owe!", so at least they have candor going for them.
Posted by: Michael | Sep 21, 2012 9:09:46 AM
I don't know where to go with this. The cult of personality runs incredibly deep here. I fear greatly for the Republic.
Posted by: Deekaman | Sep 22, 2012 9:28:26 AM
If only I could have gotten thru this life without knowing what Jim Messina looks like.
Posted by: Linda | Sep 22, 2012 9:57:11 AM