« October 2012 | Main | December 2012 »

November 07, 2012

We Demand a Recount!

Okay, so our guy lost. But did he lose in the larger sense?

Yes, he lost there too.

But then, we do not feel we “wasted” our vote.  After all, Mitt Romney is exactly the same amount of not president as Gary Johnson.

Still, Barack Obama is, by any measure that places a value on freedom, liberty, and self-determination, a miserable failure, and yet he still won. How could this be?

Because no one uses any measure that places a value on freedom, liberty, and self-determination. After all, freedom sounds kind of hard, liberty is probably a lot of work too, and self-determination might actually involve getting a job and moving out of your parent’s basement.

Free stuff on the other hand has three major attractions:

  1. It’s free.
  2. You don’t have pay for it.
  3. The price is $0.00.

We're starting to see the appeal

As you can see from the chart below, Barack Obama likes to give away free stuff.

Hey-ozymandias-can-you-spare-a

You know you’re a big spender when you increase spending faster than strict fiscal disciplinary Republicans do.

Of course, we all expect free things from our government, like free water in disasters. Sure, you can’t get any, but at least it’s free.

Then there’s the free money the Federal Reserve creates out of thin air. Hey, it’s free!

And the free health care, and free cell phones, and free college tuition.

You might be saying to yourself, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

Well, that all depends on which side of the table you’re sitting on, doesn't it.

In other news:

“With the election of progressive Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts and Tammy Baldwin in Wisconsin, Obama’s longtime backers feel the liberal spirit inside the president could be unleashed: climate change, gun control, and immigration reform perhaps heading to the top of the agenda.”

Does anyone know what the weather is like in the Cayman Islands this time of year?

J.

November 7, 2012 at 04:00 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

November 05, 2012

Our Utterly Pointless Presidential Endorsement

Presidential candidates do not typically covet a Planet Moron endorsement. There are several reasons for this:

1) They have never heard of Planet Moron.

Okay, there’s only one reason.

It also doesn’t help that the majority of Planet Moron readers are ineligible to vote due to prior felony convictions, lack of any fixed address, or the inability to climb out of the bottle long enough to fill out a voter registration card.

Be that as it may, we feel a duty to let our faithful reader(s) know where we stand in this election.  To help follow our thinking, we thought we’d first highlight the issues that are most important to us this presidential cycle.

Not being assassinated by the president.

We have not been particularly concerned with this issue in prior presidential elections partly because we did not know that the President can assassinate American citizens.

We really need to keep up with current events better.

Regardless, we would very much prefer that the candidate we vote for does not believe he can kill us.  Sorry, that may be considered extreme but there are just some things we are not willing to compromise on, and the President blowing us up together with our family, friends, and neighbors with Predator drones is just one of those things that kind of leaves a sour taste in our mouth.

Avoiding fiscal catastrophe

Trillion-dollar deficits may not seem like much, but consider this: If you were to line up one trillion one-dollar bills end to end they would reach from here to the moon and back again an extremely large number of times.

Yeah, it’s that much.

So, in order to get our vote, our candidate has to demonstrate he or she is serious about the deficit.

Rejecting the use of a leviathan government to trample what’s left of our freedoms

We are well aware of the fact that most people are for trampling people’s freedoms.  Other people’s freedoms. Not theirs.  Here at Planet Moron we don’t care what you do as long as you don’t bother us.  

So, let’s see how the major candidates, President Obama, and Governor Romney, fare with our issues.

Killing us:

Neither sees a big problem with that.

Avoiding fiscal catastrophe.

Both believe that is good in theory. In practice, not so much.

Rejecting leviathan government trampling our freedoms.

Both are pretty much good to go with a leviathan government trampling our freedoms.

Clearly, there’s a lot to think about there. In the meantime, let’s take a look at the minor-party candidates:

Virgil Goode, Constitution Party

Virgil Goode is so serious about addressing our deficits that he doesn’t think it’s important to even mention two of the biggest drivers, Medicare and Medicaid, and of the third, says:

“We must preserve and protect Social Security.  Social Security is owed over two trillion dollars.  Social Security should be repaid and have real money in the Social Security Trust Fund and not IOU's.”

Somehow.

Mr. Goode also believes the path to prosperity is through a trade war.

Rocky Anderson, Justice Party

Rocky Anderson feels strongly about our rights and freedoms and wants to repeal major parts of the Patriot Act. And then make unions more powerful, increase the minimum wage to $10 an hour and force us all to fight “climate change.”

Jill Stein, Green Party

Jill Stein has a great many plans for spending our money including:

Create a Corporation for Economic Democracy, a new federal corporation (like the Corporation for Public Broadcasting) to provide publicity, training, education, and direct financing for cooperative development and for democratic reforms to make government agencies, private associations, and business enterprises more participatory.”

No one knows what any of that means including Jill Stein.

Gary Johnson, Libertarian Party

For the most part, it appears that Gary Johnson isn't interested in killing us, leading us into fiscal catastrophe or trampling our freedoms.

It looks like we found our guy.

Will he win? No. But if he gets to 5% maybe, just maybe, we can start to turn this thing around.

And for those who suggest that we are “throwing our vote away,” well, so are you.

Happy voting everyone, and not to worry, no matter who wins, we plan to be here over the next four years to document the perfidy, incompetence, and corruption, that will surely follow.

J.

November 5, 2012 at 04:27 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack