Planet Moron

Read The What Now?

There is a growing move afoot in Washington DC to require that members of Congress read the bills they vote on.

If you are like House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer, you’re probably laughing openly, as any conscientious representative of the people’s business would, at the prospect of politicians reading the bills they vote on.

Next thing you know, they’ll want people to read their mortgages!

Besides, isn’t reading and understanding bills the reason why we have lobbyists?

Known as the “RTBA,” or “Read The Bill Act,” one of the proposals would require lawmakers to sign an affidavit attesting to the fact that they read the bill they’re voting on.

Clearly, this is an overzealous attempt to radically alter the way business is done in Washington.

Take the current Health Care bill that could cost trillions of dollars and touch profoundly the lives of every single American for years if not generations to come.  As Congressman Hoyer put it:

“If every member pledged to not vote for it if they hadn’t read it in its entirety, I think we would have very few votes.”

And with something as important as health care, we must not allow the little details to deter us, or as President Obama might put it, we can’t let the coherent be the enemy of the expedient.

Besides, there are far less drastic measures that could be taken short of the draconian requirement that the bills be read in their entirety. 

A few suggested alternatives:

STBA: “Skim The Bill Act” – Congressional representatives would be required to, under penalty of perjury, swear that they personally skimmed the bill in question, or had a staffer read out loud the table of contents.

RTNYTEOOTBA: “Read The New York Times Editorial Opinion Of The Bill Act” – Before any bill could become law, members of Congress would be required to carefully examine the New York Times editorial on the bill, making sure that he or she is fully versed on both the pros and the greater pros of whatever legislation is under consideration.

MLYGTRIBTIHBTWDH2FT37thTIA: “Make Like You’re Going To Read It By Taking It Home But Then Watching Die Hard 2 For the 37th Time Instead Act” – Self explanatory.

Proponents have circulated draft legislation for their “Read The Bill Act” to every member of Congress.  This is clearly a tactical error.  At barely three pages long, the RTBA could easily be read, thus surely dooming it to failure.

If they were really serious they would have created a bill impossibly long to read and with dozens of earmarks favoring powerful interests.

Other supporters of the notion that perhaps lawmakers should read bills are pushing for a law that would require all bills be posted on the internet 72 hours before Congress can vote on them, creating not only the opportunity for legislators to read bills, but for everyday common citizens to as well.

This could be even more dangerous.  Consider what might have happened to the 1400-page Waxman-Markey Cap-and-Trade bill had people known that it makes it illegal for them to sell their homes without first spending thousands of dollars to upgrade them to meet new energy efficiency standards. Why, people would have rushed to their phones and computers to…

Hey, where is everyone going?...

J.

Welcome Daily Crux  and Kirk Report readers! Stay as long as you like, the place is paid for through the end of the month.

Reality is WAY Overrated

In his weekly radio address, President Obama praised the many successes of his $787 billion Stimulus package. 

He prepared his remarks from abroad this week where perhaps the view is a little bit different. 

We take a look:

 “We took steps to re-start lending to families and businesses…”

Banks Get Stingy On Credit; New Cards Cown 38%

 “…Stabilize our major financial institutions…”

Bank of Wyoming Seized; 53rd U.S. Failure This Year

“…and help homeowners stay in their homes and pay their mortgages.”

Foreclosure Rates Continue To Rise

“[The Recovery Act] was designed to spur demand and get people spending again…”

June Is Another Weak Month for U.S. Retail Sales

“And it was designed to save jobs and create new ones. “

Job Market Takes Turn For Worse

“In a little over one hundred days, this Recovery Act has worked as intended.”

J.

The New GM

Upon General Motor’s exit from bankruptcy today, CEO Fritz Henderson said that the company will be leaner and quicker, ready to meet the challenges of the 21st-century automobile industry.

Let’s take a look at this “new era” for GM, shorn as it is of the “old ways” of doing things and totally remade as a modern industrial juggernaut, smart, savvy, and on the move:

Frederick “Fritz” Henderson
Chief Executive Officer

Fritz is like a breath of fresh air, having only joined GM in 1984.  Prior to that, he was a child.

Fritz’s many accomplishments since joining GM include being steeped in a corporate culture that prized conformity, overseeing a nearly uninterrupted decline in domestic market share from over 36% to under 20% today, and having served in top management in the years leading up to the company’s complete failure.

Ed Whitacre
Chairman of the Board

Ed “I Don’t Know Anything About Cars” Whitacre was brought out of retirement from AT&T and will bring to GM the kind of customer-service focus you can only get from spending your entire career working for a phone company.

“You need some warranty work?  No problem. One of our technicians will be happy to meet with you the Tuesday after next sometime between the hours of 6 AM and 2 PM.  Unless he gets held up on another call.”

“Can I interest you in purchasing a new horn tone for your car for only $.99? Maybe a second set of floor mats in designer colors?”

UAW
United Auto Workers Union

This isn’t the Auto Workers Union of old you’ve heard so much about, with their high pay and lavish benefits. No, this is a leaner, meaner, UAW that won’t be getting the Monday off after Easter.

Sure, it's tough, but they really had little choice.  Had GM gone into a real bankruptcy liquidation (as opposed to the “Barackuptcy” it just went through), union members would have lost that Monday off anyway.

Bob Lutz
Vice Chairman
Responsible for all creative elements of new products and customer relationships.

Bob Lutz is legendary in the automotive field, having had a long career with Chrysler back before it was bankrupt and having worked for GM from 2001 until its bankruptcy.  In fact, the only major domestic automaker Bob Lutz never worked for was Ford. 

Which has not gone bankrupt. 

Bob Lutz is most recently noted as the driving force behind the innovative plug-in Chevy Volt. No doubt, Bob’s return promises more vehicles like the Volt, which the White House has hailed as being “too little, too late and too expensive.”

As you can see, the only way you’ll ever get change at GM, and we mean real, lasting change, is to assemble a team of the exact same people who spent their careers wrecking the place the first time around. 

And a guy from the telephone company.

The New GM:  Just like the Old GM.

Only with your money.

J.

Obama: Administration Did Not Misread Economic Downturn

In an interview with NBC News yesterday, Barack Obama noted that contrary to remarks made by Vice President Biden over the weekend, his administration had not misread the economic downturn.  However, he did concede the following:

“We haven't always gotten the numbers right.”

“I think we did not see the full magnitude of what was going to happen."

“It was happening much more rapidly at an accelerated pace than the projections out there at the time.”

So, while they didn't get the numbers right, didn't see the full magnitude of what was going to happen or anticipate the pace at which it was happening, it's clear the administration in no way "misread" the economy.

He just said so.

J.

We Don’t Know About You, But We’ll Sure Feel Safer On Our Next Visit

A law taking effect in Japan this week bans certain double-edged knives  considered by authorities to have “a very sharply pointed tip.”

Pointiness being one of the defining features of many knives, this is proving to be a bit of a problem for people who use knives as tools, such as for those who shuck oysters for a living.

However, it is possible to comply with the law. All you need to do is avoid clearly dangerous, illegal shucking knives and instead use obviously safe, legal ones:

Dangerous weapon destined to aid in the slaughter of innocents:

 

 

Benign kitchen tool devoid of murderous intent:

1

The law was inspired by a knife attack that occurred last summer in the Akihabara district of Tokyo in which a homicidal maniac “tired of life” killed seven people.

Clearly, the only way to stop a similar crime spree from ever happening again is to outlaw the particular style of knife that the homicidal maniac used in the hope that the next homicidal maniac tired of life and intent on going on a killing rampage will stop to consider the very grave consequences a $5,000 fine might have on his finances what with his subscription to “Homicidal Maniac Monthly” coming due in a few weeks and all.

Incidentally, this knife remains perfectly legal.

As does this.

And this.

But this?

What, you have a death wish or something?

J.

Michael Jackson – RIP

It is long past the time we lay aside our snark and smart-alecky observations and finally pay proper tribute to a man who brought so much joy not only to those of us here at Planet Moron, but to the entire world as well:

Michael Jackson

The Beer Hunter

May you find peace in that great pub in the sky, where the taps are always clean, the service prompt, and the beverages fresh.

In related news, the deceased pop singer continues to dominate coverage from major news organizations. From the home page of CNN earlier this afternoon:

As you can see, important issues of far greater consequence to the nation are getting pushed down.

In fact it is not until you get all the way down to the seventh top story of the day that you discover what might otherwise have gotten top billing on CNN but for such breaking news as "Places to go to honor Michael Jackson:"

Obama girls take Russia by storm

CNN: The Most Trusted Name in “News.”

J.

Week in Review

While we did not post last week, we did carefully monitor events in between bouts of sun poisoning, alcohol poisoning and a momentary flirtation with actual poisoning after watching our favorite baseball team blow a nine-run lead. 

A brief summary:

Sarah Palin resigned the governorship of Alaska, not only ruining any chance she had to run for national office in 2012, but also brilliantly setting herself up for a run for national office in 2012.

The Obama administration is ready to take responsibility for the economy.  Except for the Stimulus bill that was passed by Democrats in Congress and signed by President Obama not working out too well.  That’s still Bush’s fault.

Prognosis unchanged for dead pop singer.

Out: Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
In: Dissent is the highest form of terrorism.

As it turns out, Al Franken was good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people liked him! Well, some people.

Refunds being given out to ticket holders for upcoming concerts by pop singer who is currently struggling with acute deathness considered a “bad sign.”

Out: Constitutions and the rule of law
In: Charisma!

Former NFL quarterback Steve McNair shot to death in apartment.  Also, it’s your fault. 

A study found that only 3.5% of high school students can pass the citizenship exam given to immigrants.   In fairness, there were very few questions focusing on self-esteem.

Pop singer’s chances of being something other than dead dimming by the day…

J.

Out to Lunch. Back in Five.

Days, that is.

I am on vacation in the Outer Banks of North Carolina and plan to take full advantage of the many activities, attractions, and entertainment opportunities the area affords.

If you are like most Planet Moron readers you are probably wondering, “Is he sure he has enough alcohol?  Because it doesn’t look like he has enough alcohol.”

Also, "You blog drunk now, or at least that's how it looks, so what's the difference?"

Just taking a little time to recharge the batteries. I plan to continue my Twitter updates and might post randomly, but it should be a light week overall.

Try not to wreck the country too much while I'm gone.

J.

Priorities Part 2

Early evening, CNN continues to cover the important stories of the day:

Pop Singer Still Dead:

1

House Passes Bill That No One Has Read That Would Restructure Entire Economy at Great Cost With no Real Understanding of the Long-Term Ramifications to the Country:

1

1

The modern news media: Working diligently to make sure the citizenry is fully informed as to what Lisa Marie Presley thinks.

J.

Priorities

From this morning's main CNN web page:

Pop singer dies:

1

Major oil producing nation of 70 million that is seeking nuclear weapons and threatening peace in the region undergoing revolutionary upheaval:

1

1

Historic climate bill with far-reaching consequences that will affect the country for decades to come ready to pass house:

 

Which is why it is important that we leave news judgment up to the professionals.

They went to school for this stuff and everything.

J.