how can they say they’re prepared when they haven’t even fired the fema director yet?

Not wanting to be caught unawares again, emergency management officials are well-prepared for Hurricane Ophelia, with North Carolina Governor Mike Easley issuing evacuation orders, FEMA putting its emergency operations centers on 24-hour alert, and MTV organizing a benefit concert featuring Jay-Z, Dave Matthews and Clint Black to “help all those who could possibly be in need at some point.”

Later today, President Bush is expected to apologize for Ophelia in hopes of staying ahead of the curve this time.

Elsewhere in the country, a stalling weather front may bring lingering showers in parts of Ohio. As a precaution, Ohio Governor Bob Taft has mobilized 15,000 National Guard troops and has begun dropping pallets of bottled water in residential areas of Cincinnati. Some injuries have been reported.

In contrast, sunshine is expected to predominate throughout the Rocky Mountain area, however Denver Mayor John W. Hickenlooper has set up an evacuation center at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre and Visitor Center “just in case.”  The mayor is also considering changing his name to “John W. Harrison” after focus-group testing with national audiences on “Hickenlooper” had to be suspended when all the participants thought they were just being punk’d.

Now you’ll have to excuse us, there are reports of light to moderate breezes in the Washington DC area and we understand authorities are preparing to dispatch Sean Penn armed with his shotgun and 700 DVD copies of Hurlyburly.

J.