so little time, so many hands out

When you see your fellow citizens faced with tragedy of nearly unimaginable proportions you are naturally moved to action. Senator Kent Conrad of North Dakota was so moved by the events along the Gulf Coast that he placed a provision (sub. reqd.) in a current hurricane relief bill to provide money for those farmers most in need.

In North Dakota.

Not to be outdone in this display of compassion, California lawmakers are seeking MREs (Money Ready to Expend) for flood control projects in (this is purely coincidence) California.

But it is not only politically powerful interests in states hundreds of miles away that need our help. No, it reaches all the way to banks that provided mortgages on insufficiently insured houses.  It is an outrage that a month after disaster struck, not a single Coast Guard helicopter has been by to air drop bags of relief cash for stricken lending institutions. Without help soon, it is quite possible that we will start losing quarterly performance bonuses at an alarming rate.

Member companies of the American Forest and Paper Association are also lining up for federal dollars. Why are losses by private interests the obligation of taxpayers nationwide? Because we all know that when that single mom in Oregon comes home from her second job to tuck her children in at night, the foremost concern on her mind is “what can I do to help the timber industry?”

Louisiana officials, growing concerned that they may be losing out on their fair share of relief, have proposed a $250 billion package that will provide desperately needed funds to fortify fountains that were heavily damaged when the levees broke in New Orleans.

In related news, New Orleans Chief of Police, Eddie Compass, in surveying a devastated city, a police force in tatters, and a citizenry desperate for some return to normalcy, came to the only conclusion possible: “My work here is done.”

J.