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August 07, 2006

it looks like mom was right

An urgent alert has been sent out to Baltimore police to be on the lookout for a new weapon. A firearm so deadly, so sinister, so diabolical that, yes,

IT COULD PUT AN EYE OUT.

Sure, police have encountered plenty of hazards before, from knives to clubs to normal handguns but never before have they had to consider the very real possibility that someone with very small hands armed with a SwissMiniGun, and with extraordinarily good aim could damage their eyesight while standing at a distance of as many as two to three feet.

The manufacturer compares the pistol to the Colt Python .357 magnum. Indeed, with a cartridge that generates 0.803 foot pounds of energy vs. a typical .357’s 400-plus, wielding a SwissMiniGun means packing all the lethal force of 1/500th of a full-size .357 thus rendering standard-issued police T-shirts virtually defenseless to stop it (with the exception of those departments that have upgraded to Hanes Beefy-Ts.)

But as chilling as that is, consider the possibility that copycat weapons could also emerge: Tiny knives easily capable of scratching a cornea, or itty bitty tire irons that could leave the kind of welt marks that an unfortunate victim would have to learn to live with for hours to come.

What is particularly troubling is the price: At only about $5000 per copy, and only ten bucks per cartridge, the SwissMiniGun is clearly aimed at young gangbangers looking for a way to get some cheap street cred. How long will it be before the SwissMiniGun achieves widespread notoriety in a gangsta rap song:

Me and my boys packin’ Swiss Minis.
Bust a cap off, it sounds real tinny.
It’s the right tool,
To fight The Man’s lies.
Don’t get too close fool,
You gonna lose an eye.
Check it,
Lose an eye.
Gonna lose an eye, yo.

And it is not just police officers who will be imperiled by this new street menace it is the average citizen as well.  But you can take measures to protect yourself against becoming a victim of the SwissMiniGun:

  • Avoid poorly lit areas.
  • Always travel in groups.
  • Close your eyes.

If nothing else, let this development be a useful reminder to us all: There is no threat too small that we can't all become alarmed about it.

J.

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August 7, 2006 at 03:39 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink

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Comments

First, you don't really get the import of the danger of this horrible threat to World Peace until you see the weapon as held by the American Giant, Paul Bunyon XXV, at http://www.swissminigun.com/img/rev_main.jpg

Second, and I'm really surprised you missed this in these days of Mel and Kofi [http://images.ucomics.com/comics/gm/2006/gm060807.gif] but... IT'S THE JEWS' FAULT! They made Switzerland, They own the weapons factories, !#*@*!! @#@#!!! (senseless, drooling rage continues from here).

Posted by: D'n | Aug 8, 2006 4:16:04 AM

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