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November 13, 2007

top 5 reasons rudy giuliani received an endorsement from pat robertson

How did the socially liberal Rudy Giuliani manage to secure the endorsement of Christian conservative Pat Robertson?

  1. He knows that Rudy firmly believes that marriage is a sacred bond between one man and one woman. At a time.
  2. After carefully examining the polling data he realized that after years of war, scandal, and controversy, the American people were demanding, above all else, that their next president wear a dress.
  3. Any Yankees fan who can state publicly that he will be rooting for the Boston Red Sox in the World Series is undoubtedly imbued with the Christian spirit of redemption and forgiveness.
  4. By cleverly leaving his city vulnerable to terrorist attack, Rudy helped further the Lord’s work in wreaking his righteous vengeance upon the baby-killing evolution-teaching separation-between-church-and-state-propounding secular feminist Rosie-O’Donnell-watching gay-sex-having ACLU-belonging Jewish-being residents of New York.
  5. What with his pre-millenarian dispensationalist views and Old Testament beliefs in the Final Battle of Armageddon, the Day of Judgment, and the Apocalypse, he figured he might as well have some fun before it’s all over:

    I was fundraisin' when I wrote this
    Forgive me if it goes astray
    But when I woke up this mornin'
    Could have sworn it was judgment day

    The sky was all purple
    There were pagans runnin' everywhere
    Tryin' to run from the destruction
    You know I didn't even care

    They say one thousand zero, zero, party over,
    Oops, out of time!
    So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1099!

Great, now TAFKATAFKAP (The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As Prince) is probably going to sue us.


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November 13, 2007 at 07:21 AM in Current Affairs | Permalink


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