great moments in…

…Economic Hardship

What’s the latest sign that there is a “downturn of the American economy?” Aaron Spelling’s widow, Candy Spelling, is being forced to move from her 65,500 square foot mansion and make do with a $47 million, 16,500 square foot luxury condo.

What’s next you ask?  Cat food!  That’s right, sad as it might be, Candy Spelling’s cats will likely be forced to eat cat food.

…Innovation

Microsoft applied for and was recently awarded a patent for the Page Up/Down feature on a computer.

In other news, Apple Computer changed forever the way we purchase and listen to music, shook the cell phone industry to its very foundations, and introduced the world’s thinnest laptop. However, these endeavors unfortunately diverted valuable resources that might have otherwise been devoted to finding a way to secure the intellectual property rights to the left arrow key.

…Political Hyperbole.

According to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, “We've got a planet to save. Nothing less is at stake other than civilization as we know it today."

What, the fabric of existence itself doesn’t hang in the balance?  Pffft.  Listen, if it doesn’t entail the simultaneous extinguishment of all matter, which presumably would include gin, we’re not getting out of the easy chair.

…Weather forecasting

According to five-day forecasting models, the storm could go this way.  Or thataway.  Or over there.  Or do a loopedy-loop back thisaway.  Or not. Hey, it’s hard to forecast these things!

However, our 100-year global warming climate forecasts? Definitely 100% spot-on accurate.   

…Preserving Historical Records

Since being named Barack Obama’s running mate, references to Joe Biden’s earlier kind words for John McCain back in 2004 have been scrubbed from his Wikipedia entry.

Wikipedia: Where history is more fun.  Because it changes!

…Geography

The governor of Virginia, and Obama running mate finalist, Timothy Kaine was recently ridiculed for incorrectly claiming that Virginia borders the state of Delaware.

This is unfair as, like Joe Biden, Timothy Kaine probably has a much higher IQ than you and while you were thinking in terms of normal space-time, encumbered as you are with your tiny rat-like mind, Timothy “The Brain” Kaine was of course thinking in terms of multiple dimensions where the quantum geometry of Calabi-Yau shapes clearly allow for the possibility of Virginia bordering Delaware through the curvature of space-time.

Duh.

…Intoxication

Speaking of Joe Biden, this video (sent in by frequent reader "Mike" who really should be working instead) of the Vice Presidential candidate drunkenly singing and dancing actually makes us fonder of him. 

We’ve been there, brother, we’ve been there.

J.