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August 26, 2008

the new and improved michelle, now with 75% less anger!

Many people are under the mistaken impression that you can best judge a person in unscripted moments, when they are more likely to inadvertently say what they really mean.

This could not be further from the truth.  According to columnist Kirstin Powers, the only time you ever get to see the “real” person inside, is when they are giving a thoroughly vetted speech prepared by professional image makers during a carefully scripted performance practiced relentlessly ahead of time.

Oh, sure, we’ve all seen the only-recently-proud Michelle, the angry Michelle, and the scolding Michelle.  But those perceptions are terribly unfair in that they are based solely on things she actually said.  Of course, most Americans judge their fellow citizens based only on the things they say that have been focus group tested beforehand among likely voters in swing states.  That’s how you know they mean it.

For example, one of our neighbors said last month, “you know, that dog of yours is just downright mean.”  But rather than take offense, we gave him the benefit of the doubt and waited until he had consulted with his advisers after which he issued a statement saying, “My words were taken out of context. I love your dog. I love my kids. And gosh darnit, I love America.”

We cried.  Seriously, bawled like babies.

For those of you who missed Michelle Obama’s speech, here is the condensed version:

Craig Robinson (intro)

Michelle is my sister.

We were working class.

Our father died.

She has daughters!

Michelle Obama

I have a mother and a brother!

My father is dead, though.

But I have daughters!

Did I mention my father is dead? Because he is. He was really sick, too!

We were working class. Barack was working class too. We were all working class.

I have children.  I mentioned that, right?

Barack left Wall Street where he made other people money and went into public service where he spent other people’s money.  I bring it up because that’s better!

My father was sick.  Not sure if that was already clear.

I love this country!

I left a law firm where I made money to go into public service where I could spend other people’s money, just like Barack. We have so much in common!

Barack is going to make everything super great!

He’ll do that by bringing us together with sharing and hope and threads or something.

For those of you coming in late, I have a daughter.

So, just to recap: 1) Father dead.  2) I have daughters.

Vote Obama.

Yay America!

You choked up there a little at the end, didn’t you?  It’s okay. There’s no shame in it.

Fortunately, the Democratic convention has several more days to run, followed by the GOP, during which we can get more such honest, raw looks at what these people are really all about.


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August 26, 2008 at 04:49 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink


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