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March 03, 2009

CONSENSUS WATCH - 3/3/2009

An ongoing series dedicated to vigorously monitoring emerging threats to The Consensus that global warming is real, caused by humans, and must be addressed immediately. Because without consensus, scientific conclusions would remain vulnerable to new data.

There is so much noise, confusion, and debate regarding The Consensus lately that it’s easy to forget that it’s already all been decided.

That’s why we prepared this short quiz so you can see just how much you really know about The Consensus. Go ahead, give it a try!

THE CONSENSUS QUIZ

1) Carbon dioxide is:

A) A pollutant.
B) So dangerous it must be regulated.
C) The “silent killer.”
D) An abundant, naturally occurring gas essential to all life on earth.


2) The principle cause of Global Warming is:

A) Eating hamburgers, which are the “Hummers of food.”
B) Using toilet tissue, which is “worse than driving Hummers.”
C) Driving an actual Hummer.
D) All this talk of Hummers is making me want to check out that sweet new H3T.


3) Al Gore is:

A) A visionary.
B) An environmental champion.
C) An enlightened caretaker of the earth.
D) Well, when it comes to carbon emissions, he's the “Hummer of Humans.”


4) The polar icecaps:

A) Completely disappear in the summer.
B) Are shrinking every year.
C) Wait, we still have polar icecaps?
D) Oh come on, they’re variable, but are hardly melting away.


5) Polar Bears are:

A) On the brink of extinction.
B) Drowning as you read this.
C) There are still polar bears left?
D) The Polar Bears are fine.  This must have something to do with your childhood.


6) The fact that temperatures have been declining over the past ten years proves:

A) Declining? Are you sure?
B) Because the models say the temperature should be rising.
C) Oh, wait, that’s right. We predicted that all along and it just proves we’re right about global warming.
D) Your father never told you he loved you, did he?


7) Criticizing Al Gore:

A) Who would criticize Al Gore? He won a Grammy!
B) And a Nobel, or Tony or something.  Golden Globe?
C) Is morally comparable to killing 1,000 people.
D) It's okay, really, plenty of people are going through the same thing you are.


8) People who disagree with Anthropogenic Global Warming should:

A) No one disagrees. There’s a consensus!
B) Be professionally harassed until they do agree.
C) Be thrown in jail for all eternity.
D) I can give you a number you can call.  People who understand...
 

Scoring:  For each question that you answered “A,” “B,” or “C,” award yourself one point.  For each question that you answered “D,” award yourself 0 points.

Now, let’s see how you did!

7-8: Congratulations!  You sure know your global warming science!
5-6: Not bad, but try being more credulous. No one likes a smart-alecky question-asker in the group.
3-4: You need to see An Inconvenient Truth a couple dozen more times.  It won a gold medal in paired diving!
1-2: What are you, some kind of sneering industrialist in a pinstriped suit destroying the ecosystem?
0:  That’s it. You are an “enemy of the planet.”

J.

Inappropriate Don't forget, Consensus Watch gear makes sure that attractive co-worker will never bother you again! We have an extensive line of "Stop raping the planet! You may, however, touch it inappropriately," gear (coffee cup, bags, coasters, stickers, buttons), and the classic Consensus Watch coffee mug: "Consensus Watch Because without consensus, scientific conclusions would remain vulnerable to new data."

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March 3, 2009 at 06:26 PM in Global Warming with CONSENSUS WATCH | Permalink

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