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June 17, 2009

Obama’s CNBC Interview: Translated

CNBC’s John Harwood conducted an exclusive interview with President Obama yesterday focusing on the economy and Iran.

We provide the Planet Moron translation below:

HARWOOD: Would you please launch into a five-minute speech extolling your financial industry regulation plan in response to my softball question?
Pres. OBAMA: You bet.  In examining our current regulatory structure, which was more expansive, thorough, intrusive, comprehensive and vulnerable to political meddling than that imposed on any other sector of our economy, we decided that the only way to avoid future financial crises was to create an even more expansive, thorough, intrusive, and comprehensive set of regulations vulnerable to political meddling.

HARWOOD: We know that the dynamism of capitalism comes from the interplay of risk and reward and you’ve said you’ve been reluctant to intervene, but when you add up all your administration’s interventions, do you ever wonder whether it's just too much messing with the engine of capitalism?
Pres. OBAMA: No. And I'll tell you why. It’s Bush’s fault.

Also, as I’ve said, I don’t want to run an auto company. You can tell, because I’m running two.

[President deftly kills a fly (video) that had been buzzing around him in a useful allegory to one of his signature health care cost-cutting initiatives.]

Pres. OBAMA: Now, where were we? That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got it. I got the sucker. You want to film that? There it is.
HARWOOD: I could make love to you right now.
Pres. OBAMA: Right. So the—so with the autos, we want to get out as soon as possible.
Pres. OBAMA: But I think everybody would acknowledge that if we've got rules of the road, and if I can, by executive fiat, change those rules to ensure my political allies benefit, that's what makes American capitalism thrive, that’s what creates a permanent improvement that will enhance and not impede the operation of the free market.

Many people think that for major domestic reforms like health care, that for it to be durable and successful you need bipartisan support. Do you believe that?
Pres. OBAMA: My general principle is I always want bipartisan support, just not at the expense of having to change my views, policies, or proposals in any way. And look, I haven’t adopted full-scale socialism, opened Gulags to imprison political opponents, seized major media outlets, or secretly created a genetically engineered army of super soldiers to do my bidding like some on the left want me to which proves how very moderate, middle-of-the-road, and mainstream I am.

And let me be clear, we have not called for a government takeover of health care. That will come later after we run the private insurance companies out of business since they cannot possibly compete with a government enterprise that has no need to make a profit, raise capital, or meet revenue targets.

I’d like to give you another opportunity to give a five-minutes speech on how you’re going to address the growing federal budget deficit.
Pres. OBAMA: Thanks again, that’s great.  The deficit keeps me up at night but the only way we can bring those deficits down is to pass my health care plan, which you know will work because we’re projecting doubling the deficit in ten years.

What about that Iran thing, huh?
Pres. OBAMA: It is essential the United States is careful to not come out in support of democracy or self-determination. I prefer to take a wait-and-see approach to leadership.

Last question. You should be able to hit this one out of the park.  I’m going for the outside corner, 89 MPH: Has the media been too easy on you?
Pres. OBAMA: It's very hard for me to swallow that one. First of all, I've got one television station entirely devoted to attacking my administration. I mean, you know, that's a pretty...
HARWOOD: I assume you're talking about Fox.
Pres. OBAMA: Yes, it’s really annoying.  Didn’t they get the memo?

Mr. President, thanks for making the time. Are you doing anything later?  Maybe we could catch a movie together or something?
Pres. OBAMA: Thanks, but I need to go.

Appreciate it.
Pres. OBAMA: Appreciate it.


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June 17, 2009 at 02:21 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink


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I must say: It was certainly easier to show
Bush to be an ass.

Posted by: Travis Chambers | Jun 27, 2009 8:46:10 AM

Hysterical! You have, easily, one of the best blogs I've ever read. Keep calling it like it is, not in the way we're fed w/ Orwellian "news-speak" floating around right now.

Posted by: J | Jun 25, 2009 3:20:11 PM

We should start a pool on how long until the an "interview" is defined as just watching the President play basketball and not asking any questions at all.

Posted by: Amarsir | Jun 17, 2009 7:33:30 PM

Projectile vomitus!!

Posted by: barryjo | Jun 17, 2009 5:32:25 PM

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