« Bold New Strategy | Main | Don’t Call Him “Dr. Death,” Call Him, “Dr. Principles for Allocation of Scarce Medical Interventions.” »

August 14, 2009

‘Cause Suicide is Painless…

While former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s use of the term “death panel" to describe the controversial section of the House’s health care bill dealing with end-of-life planning was without foundation (for the most part, well, sort of, okay, the whole thing is creepy), it was highly effective at focusing attention on the divisive issue.

As they say, success breeds imitation.Prepare for the widespread use of this potent rhetorical device in the near future:

“Death Board”

Should be useful for getting a zoning variance: “The America I know and love is not one in which bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment, whether we are worthy of a 20-foot easement from the centerline of the right-of-way as measured 90 degrees from the axis."

"Such a system is downright evil."

“Death Committee”

“If the 41st Annual Neighborhood Block Party Coordinating Committee is going to endorse Hunts Ketchup over Heinz, we’re saying not just no, but hell no!"

“Death Council”

This will be a handy term to use to battle the city council when it tries to increase parking fees by a quarter.  “And who will suffer most when they ration 2-hour spots?  The sick, the elderly, and those who have a lot of stuff to return to Crate & Barrel.”

“Death Caulk”

For when you really need to get out of re-caulking the shower: “As I delve into the disturbing details of the denatured alcohol and blue painter’s tape that is being rushed upon me, my collective jaw is dropping.”

“Death Star”

Use the specter of the Empire’s impending deployment of a moon-sized planet-destroying battle station to unite the rebellion to rise up against…. Wait, that sounds familiar…

But why does this line of attack resonate so profoundly with the American people, particularly the boomer generation?  We chalk it up to the moving lyrics to the theme from MASH:

Through early morning fog I see,
Visions of a drip IV,
The feeding tube withheld from me,
I realize and I can see...

Suicide is painless,
It brings on fiscal changes,
And they can choose it if they please.

It appears it is too late,
For me to change my fate,
Seems they have a way to rate,
Your expiration date.

Suicide is painless,
It brings on fiscal changes,
And they can choose it if they please.

The game of life is hard to play,
I'm gonna lose it anyway,
Might as well die today,
Cost too much to X-Ray

Suicide is painless,
It brings on fiscal changes,
And they can choose it if they please.

Do I have more time left?
Than the patient to my left?
To treat me would be theft,
After all, my palate's cleft.

Suicide is painless,
It brings on fiscal changes,
And they can choose it if they please.

If the doctors predict,
That your illness can't be fixed,
They apply a new metrics,
It's cost-cutting ethics.

Suicide is painless,
It brings on fiscal changes,
And they can choose it if they please.

And help reduce those co-pay fees...

J.

Bookmark and Share

August 14, 2009 at 01:31 PM | Permalink

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
https://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451c1dc69e20120a4f4f046970b

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference ‘Cause Suicide is Painless…:

» I Guess This Means the DMV is Now the "Death Really Long Line" from The Melting Pot Project
Planet Moron has come up with a nice little list of other things we can rename to include the word "death," since the phrase "death panels" has become so pervasive amongst town hall protesters: “Death Committee” “If the 41st Annual... [Read More]

Tracked on Aug 18, 2009 6:26:35 PM

Comments

Post a comment