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November 18, 2010

They Also Want Taco Bell To Warn Patrons That They Do Not Sell Hamburgers

Some members of the New York City Council are very concerned that people going to crisis pregnancy centers (CPCs) with names such as “Bridge to Life,” “Sisters of Life,” and “Life Center,” might not be the best places for pro-choice supporters looking to get an abortion, and so are pushing for a law that would require these organizations to explicitly state in all their advertisements that they do not, in fact, provide abortions.

Of course, Planned Parenthood does provide abortions as can obviously be determined from its name, and so would be under no similar kind of full-disclosure requirements.  As supporters pointed out at a hearing on the proposal, it would be silly to assume that an organization called Planned Parenthood would be primarily concerned with parenthood.

For example, one woman who was 28 weeks pregnant testified that she was looking for financial aid to purchase a car seat and so went to Planned Parenthood where she was obligingly advised that they could help her secure a medical waiver to get an abortion.

Hey, now that’s some innovative problem-solving but in no way proves that Planned Parenthood is obsessed with abortions.

However, for those of you who are expectant parents and are thinking of visiting a Planned Parenthood location to ask a few questions, we’ve put together a helpful FAQ for some of the likely responses you might receive:

Q: I have swelling in my feet. Is that normal?
A: Medically, abortions can be performed at any time as safely or more safely than birth.

Q: Is it okay to have a glass of wine while I’m pregnant?
A: Abortions are very common. In fact, more than 1 out of 3 women in the U.S. have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old.

Q: I typically run five miles, three times a week. Is that safe for my baby?
A: There is more than one kind of in-clinic abortion procedure. The most common is called aspiration.

Q: If I have trouble breastfeeding, is it okay if I feed my baby formula instead?
A: An aspiration procedure takes about 5 to 10 minutes. But more time may be needed to prepare your cervix.

Q: How can I tell if I’m going into labor.
A: Abortions are available at many Planned Parenthood health centers, clinics, and the offices of private health care providers.

As you can see, the people at Planned Parenthood have a broad array of information they can provide pregnant women, which is why it is so important that we protect people from organizations that do not provide abortions.

If fact, we believe the list should be expanded beyond just crisis pregnancy centers and demand that other organizations that do not provide abortions be required to advertise that fact so as to avoid any obvious confusion including:

  • The Catholic Archdiocese of New York.
  • The Franciscan Monastery of the Holy Land in America.
  • Ikea.
  • Christian Coalition of America.
  • The Long John Silvers on Route 9 just north of 195 in New Jersey.
  • The Smithsonian Institution.
  • Cinnabon.
  • Pipe Fitters Local 533.
  • The Kiwanis Club.

Only by forcing organizations to be honest and upfront about the fact that they do not perform abortions can we be certain that a vulnerable young woman won’t innocently wander into a Lowe’s and rather than having her pregnancy terminated, walk out with roofing materials instead.

Downside: Unexpectedly Awkward Thanksgiving.
Upside: New roof!


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November 18, 2010 at 05:26 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink


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I have to believe that at a minimum, there's a tax credit involved.

Posted by: Planet Moron | Nov 18, 2010 7:31:56 PM

Does that mean I can get a deal on my new roof by hiring a pregnant woman to replace it? Or am I confused? Or both?

Posted by: An Average American | Nov 18, 2010 6:43:40 PM

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