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April 06, 2011

Hey! Give That Back! Please?

There was a time when New Yorkers were tough.  Push a New Yorker around? Fuhgetaboutit.

Today it’s a little different.

Today you can take their toys away.

This is the only conclusion that can be drawn from New York City councilman Leroy Comrie’s proposal to ban toys in McDonald’s Happy Meals unless the food complies with certain nutritional standards determined by noted nutritionist New York councilman Leroy Comrie.  His goal is to stop people from “grabbing Happy Meals” for their kids, and by “people,” he means, “himself.”

This is actually only the latest in a citywide dietary crackdown and follows Mayor Bloomberg’s attempt to eliminate salt, ban trans fats, and require the posting of caloric information on fast food menus (but NOT the menus of places Mayor Bloomberg eats but that’s only because they typically include such low-fat fare as bone marrow and foie gras).

Exactly when did New York go from being “The City That Never Sleeps” to “The City That’s Afraid to Eat?”

Back in the 1980s when Planet Moron called the Big Apple home, it was run by people like Mayor Ed Koch, individuals who wanted to lead the city because they loved it.

Since then, New York has been run by people like Mayors Rudolph Giuliani and Michael Bloomberg who want to lead New York because they hate it. The anarchy, the chaos, the rampant individuality, all assault their sense of order.

We first saw it coming during the Giuliani Administration, when, during a visit to the city in the ‘90s on business I had an unexpected interaction with the police.  Actual conversation:

Cop: Hey!
Me: (Jaywalking across the street) What?
Cop: Get back here, the light is red.
Me: You’re kidding.
Cop: No I am not.

I should probably point out he had a gun.

Some years later I was taking the subway and started going down some stairs (not an escalator, stairs) when another cop called out to me:

Cop: Hey!
Me: What?
Cop: Those stairs are for going up, use the other ones.
Me: You’re kidding.
Cop: No I am not.

Did you know that all New York City Police officers carry guns?  Even the Metro cops. I hadn’t noticed that before.

None of this is to say that we here at Planet Moron are generally in favor of disorder, anarchy, or chaos (much), only that there is a place for those things.  Rudy Giuliani wanted to transform Times Square into a place a family could feel safe and have dinner.  But there are plenty of places for a family to feel safe and have dinner. There are not many places where they can be accosted by a transgender midget on crack and still get a decent deal on a fake Rolex.

And yet, while New Yorkers could have protested the banning of flavored tobacco, there really wasn't any point since smoking has been banned pretty much everywhere anyway.  Okay, that’s an exaggeration.  It’s only been banned in two places: Inside and outside.

Why do they let them get away with it?

Well, you know the old expression, “It’s like taking candy from a New Yorker.”


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April 6, 2011 at 08:50 PM in Current Affairs, Health & Fitness | Permalink


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