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June 17, 2011

It’s So Delicious, Even A…

New York Times foodie columnist Mark Bittman has identified the two principal problems with the American diet:

  1. You are a caveman.
  2. And an idiot.

And yet, he still endeavors to save us from ourselves.

In a recent column, Mr. Bittman explains that we have a primal urge to eat meat whenever we can because it was once difficult to procure with any regularity and yet contains useful nutrients. 

So, you see, you don’t eat that double Whopper with cheese because you enjoy it and believe it offers a reasonable value, you’re basically operating on instinct, like a leopard stalking its prey in the jungle.  With a debit card.

Add in the unfortunate advent of widespread prosperity and the ready availability of meat and you have what Mr. Bittman terms:

“A deadly combo.”

Abundant food and prosperity.  Oh, good Lord, what have we done?

As if it’s not bad enough that you are a caveman, you are also an idiot.

“Beyond instinct and availability, there’s a third factor: marketing. When you add 'It’s what’s for dinner’ to the equation, you have a powerful combination: biology, economics and propaganda all pushing us in the same direction.”

Basically, you are a big dumb leopard who is only stalking its prey in the jungle because you saw a commercial for flame broiled gazelle while watching Two And A Half Men reruns.

There is hope, though: The superior Europeans with their advanced cultures and smart-sounding accents.

“Now, some European countries appear to be leading the way out of the abyss, not only with the food they call ‘biologically’ produced (a term roughly equivalent to 'organic') but in saner ways of eating, which start with cutting back on some animal products; Germans’ per capita consumption of meat is down about 20 percent since 1990.”

Mr. Bittman does point out that American meat consumption has also declined in recent years, but only slightly and probably because of the bad economy and rising prices, although he admits:

“Maybe conscious eating gets some credit also.”

Hey, you never know!

It's not that Mark Bittman has no respect for you, in fact, he finds you all quite amusing:

"Another day in Iowa, where complete strangers say irony-free things like 'Jeez! Thanks for stopping by!' (Think Frances McDormand in 'Fargo.')"

In New York, everything is meant to be ironic, including standard greetings like "Hello," and "Hey, stop, that's my purse!"

"It started with a visit to the Chit Chat Cafe in Thornton (remember: no irony!)"

You commoners are SO cute!

Cute, yes, but we eat things in proportions that Mark Bittman disapproves of.  Someone needs to save us. Someone needs to show the way. But, who?

“[the] better-educated citizens of wealthier nations.”

Hey, you know what? That sounds an awful lot like Mark Bittman!


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June 17, 2011 at 08:33 AM in Current Affairs, Health & Fitness | Permalink


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Someone needs to show the way. But, who?

“[the] post-processed food from the aft end of a bovine.”

Hey, you know what? That sounds an awful lot like Mark Bittman!

There I fixed it for you!

Posted by: TheOldMan | Jun 17, 2011 12:50:39 PM

Superior Europeans??? Right! Please pass the escargot.

Posted by: barryjo | Jun 17, 2011 1:25:48 PM

"...Germans’ per capita consumption of meat is down about 20 percent since 1990.”
I bet they all wish they were eating more meat than E.coli infected organic sprouts.

Posted by: Mike | Jun 17, 2011 3:37:13 PM

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