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November 05, 2012

Our Utterly Pointless Presidential Endorsement

Presidential candidates do not typically covet a Planet Moron endorsement. There are several reasons for this:

1) They have never heard of Planet Moron.

Okay, there’s only one reason.

It also doesn’t help that the majority of Planet Moron readers are ineligible to vote due to prior felony convictions, lack of any fixed address, or the inability to climb out of the bottle long enough to fill out a voter registration card.

Be that as it may, we feel a duty to let our faithful reader(s) know where we stand in this election.  To help follow our thinking, we thought we’d first highlight the issues that are most important to us this presidential cycle.

Not being assassinated by the president.

We have not been particularly concerned with this issue in prior presidential elections partly because we did not know that the President can assassinate American citizens.

We really need to keep up with current events better.

Regardless, we would very much prefer that the candidate we vote for does not believe he can kill us.  Sorry, that may be considered extreme but there are just some things we are not willing to compromise on, and the President blowing us up together with our family, friends, and neighbors with Predator drones is just one of those things that kind of leaves a sour taste in our mouth.

Avoiding fiscal catastrophe

Trillion-dollar deficits may not seem like much, but consider this: If you were to line up one trillion one-dollar bills end to end they would reach from here to the moon and back again an extremely large number of times.

Yeah, it’s that much.

So, in order to get our vote, our candidate has to demonstrate he or she is serious about the deficit.

Rejecting the use of a leviathan government to trample what’s left of our freedoms

We are well aware of the fact that most people are for trampling people’s freedoms.  Other people’s freedoms. Not theirs.  Here at Planet Moron we don’t care what you do as long as you don’t bother us.  

So, let’s see how the major candidates, President Obama, and Governor Romney, fare with our issues.

Killing us:

Neither sees a big problem with that.

Avoiding fiscal catastrophe.

Both believe that is good in theory. In practice, not so much.

Rejecting leviathan government trampling our freedoms.

Both are pretty much good to go with a leviathan government trampling our freedoms.

Clearly, there’s a lot to think about there. In the meantime, let’s take a look at the minor-party candidates:

Virgil Goode, Constitution Party

Virgil Goode is so serious about addressing our deficits that he doesn’t think it’s important to even mention two of the biggest drivers, Medicare and Medicaid, and of the third, says:

“We must preserve and protect Social Security.  Social Security is owed over two trillion dollars.  Social Security should be repaid and have real money in the Social Security Trust Fund and not IOU's.”


Mr. Goode also believes the path to prosperity is through a trade war.

Rocky Anderson, Justice Party

Rocky Anderson feels strongly about our rights and freedoms and wants to repeal major parts of the Patriot Act. And then make unions more powerful, increase the minimum wage to $10 an hour and force us all to fight “climate change.”

Jill Stein, Green Party

Jill Stein has a great many plans for spending our money including:

Create a Corporation for Economic Democracy, a new federal corporation (like the Corporation for Public Broadcasting) to provide publicity, training, education, and direct financing for cooperative development and for democratic reforms to make government agencies, private associations, and business enterprises more participatory.”

No one knows what any of that means including Jill Stein.

Gary Johnson, Libertarian Party

For the most part, it appears that Gary Johnson isn't interested in killing us, leading us into fiscal catastrophe or trampling our freedoms.

It looks like we found our guy.

Will he win? No. But if he gets to 5% maybe, just maybe, we can start to turn this thing around.

And for those who suggest that we are “throwing our vote away,” well, so are you.

Happy voting everyone, and not to worry, no matter who wins, we plan to be here over the next four years to document the perfidy, incompetence, and corruption, that will surely follow.


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November 5, 2012 at 04:27 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink


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1. "Here at Planet Moron we don’t care what you do as long as you don’t bother us." I add to this "and you don't expect me to pay for it."

2. Everything else will be taken care of as soon as I am dictator. I am still waiting for the telephone call.

3. As long as two or more are gathered, there will be politics. Long Live Planet Moron!

4. Make sure to keep MyHabit as a sponsor. They hire babes who bring back vague memories of a well spent youth...

Posted by: TheOldMan | Nov 6, 2012 11:56:02 AM

Being forced to pay for something bothers us, lol. And not to worry about MyHabit, we actually shop there, so we'll keep the ad up for as long as the MyHabit people don't find out they're advertising on Planet Moron!

Posted by: Planet Moron | Nov 6, 2012 2:29:54 PM

So you will be here for the next 4 years to document the perfidy, incompetence,and corruption that will surely follow.
Better get a new keyboard. A hi-speed one. Or maybe a computer that just reads your mind and enters the data.
Cause you are going to be BUSY.

Posted by: barryjo | Nov 7, 2012 8:59:21 AM

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