« The Declaration of Independence Wokesplained | Main | Book Review I’m Your Emotional Support Animal by Adam Carolla »

July 15, 2020

Planet Moron’s 5-Step E-Z Guide on How Not to be a Racist

Many of us were raised to believe that in order to not be a racist, you had to stop making assumptions about people based on their race but rather judge each person you encounter as an individual. In other words, not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Hey! The ‘60s called. They want their civil rights movement back.

Like the concepts of limited government and checks and balances, that form of archaic thinking has long been left in the dustbin of history where it belongs.

Why is that?

First of all, taking the time and trouble to judge people individually sounds like a lot work. There has to be an easier way. Second, such an approach does not present any obvious opportunities for people to garner political advantage over their opponents.

Think about it. What would happen if everyone just started treating each other fairly as individuals?

We’ll tell you what. Freed from the constant outrage machine of political agitators, people might actually start paying attention to the many genuine challenges we all face together as a nation and expose for all to see what has been the abject failure of our leadership class to address them.

The consequences?

The world would likely descend into a nightmarish hellscape of harmony and common purpose.

And where’s the money in that?

Simply follow our suggestions and you, too, can stop being a racist without all the time and bother and actual “thinking” involved in engaging in things like fairness.

Besides, engaging in fairness also makes you a racist.

And now, if you will, allow us to present:

Planet Moron’s 5-Step E-Z Guide on How Not to be a Racist

STEP 1 Be a racist.

One excellent way to demonstrate that you are not a racist is to actually be one.

We should emphasize that not just any racism will do, it has to be the right kind of racism.

For example, it is of course abhorrent to assume that because someone is black, they must think and act certain ways.

Unless of course, that thinking departs in any way from progressive orthodoxy.

Say you are an African-American who chooses to be a police officer.

That is the wrong choice because black people need to make black choices.

Likewise if you are an African-American who holds conservative beliefs. Those are not beliefs that black people are permitted to have and you must denounce those people as an Uncle Tom or a sellout.

And of course, it’s always a good idea to be racist towards white people, otherwise you might be considered a racist or an Uncle Tom.

Depending on your race of course.

STEP 2 Don't deny you are a racist.

One of the more sure-fire ways to be a racist, is to say you aren’t one. (Please note, if you say you are one, then we'll take you on your word.)

STEP 3 Abandon racist ideologies such as “individualism” and “objectivity” because those things are clearly concepts that white people embrace and non-white people don't.

We should probably point out that that is not at all racist.  (See Step 1 above.)

STEP 4 Ask yourself if you are a racist. Also don’t ask yourself.

According to Angela Bell, an assistant professor of psychology at Lafayette College in Pennsylvania, “If you ask yourself if you are a racist, you’re a racist. Also, if you don’t ask yourself if you’re a racist, you are also a racist. If you are white, that is.”

Which brings us to Step 5.

STEP 5 Don’t be white. 

Not being white is probably the most straightforward and effective step you can take. Unless you’re white in which case you can’t.

And of course if you aren’t white you don’t have to.

Wow, that was easy, wasn't it?!


Bookmark and Share

July 15, 2020 at 06:09 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink


Nailed it.

Posted by: bluebird of bitterness | Jul 17, 2020 10:26:59 AM

Racist. :D

Posted by: Planet Moron | Jul 19, 2020 9:11:39 AM

Post a comment