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July 06, 2020

The Declaration of Independence Wokesplained

Titled, “America’s Glorious Celebration of Grievance,” a piece this past weekend from Bloomberg News patiently explains to the rest of us mouth breathers that the main message of the Declaration of Independence wasn’t the aspirational beginning that we all focus on today, but rather the list of specific grievances against the English Crown that follows. 

He makes this determination by employing his superior intellect in a rigorous examination of the document ultimately concluding that the grievance part was:

“…by far the longest section.”

This is like saying that the true heart of your mortgage isn’t the interest rate or monthly payment, but rather the 9 pages of legal boilerplate that follows. 

We don’t know about you, but whenever we’ve refinanced our mortgage the first question we get from neighbors is, “How many days do you have to satisfy a lien should such lien attain priority over your Security instrument? We got 10.  Boom!”

In the author’s brief mention of Jefferson, he of course has to wokesplain that he owned slaves.  It is essential that this be pointed out every time Jefferson’s name is evoked. It’s kind of a white-guilt box that has to be ticked off.

Which reminds us, did you know Jefferson owned slaves?  Well he did. He owned slaves.  And helped free a nation from subjugation and set in motion a human experiment in self-governance that the world had never before witnessed and that continues to this day.

But mostly he owned slaves.

Finally, the author notes that:

“The vision and the spur is also what distinguishes protests against injustice from rancid complaints from the White House. The former seek to realize the self-evident truth. The latter are solipsism.”

This is the unnecessary yet obligatory jab at President Trump that has been incorporated into all mainstream news media style guides.

If you haven’t already, we do encourage you to read the Declaration of Independence. It’s actually pretty short, and the list of grievances is in fact instructive and helps inform what was, after all, a political document that was meant in part to galvanize support for the revolution both by cataloging the depredations of autocratic rule and laying the moral foundation for a better future. The two really aren’t separate, they together make up the whole, taking nothing at all away from the noble, if short, beginning that we all remember today.

Unless you are an intellectual in which case it’s mostly just a lot of whining that we have mistakenly glorified.


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July 6, 2020 at 06:15 AM in Current Affairs | Permalink


If the Jeffersonian version is a little too erudite for 21st century readers, there's always the Mencken version.

Posted by: bluebird of bitterness | Jul 11, 2020 11:45:00 AM

Mencken! Had not seen this, thanks!

Posted by: Planet Moron | Jul 15, 2020 6:35:01 PM

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